From a Somebody To a Nobody (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about From a Somebody to a Nobody & The Beauty in Being Alone.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 From a Somebody to a Nobody
• 13:25 The Beauty in Being Alone
• 19:04 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #163 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about From a Somebody to a Nobody & The Beauty In Being Alone.

From a Somebody to a Nobody
Sitting at a business meeting where the speaker was attempting to motivate the audience to get out there to make sales and become a millionaire, it occurred to me that I was a nobody in that world. The ones who had the privilege to be on stage were the ones who made a six or seven-figure income. I was lucky if I made a four-figure income. I had placed myself in a position where I was nobody; I was at ground zero. How did I unwittingly reduce myself from a somebody to a nobody?

Invited to a business opportunity, I sat there enthralled. The speaker's enthusiastic and energetic voice captivated me. My mind escaped to traveling the world and living in a mansion. He explained how we could make millions and enjoy many freedoms instead of being tied down to a job or answering to a boss. Though I did not have a great desire to buy much more than I already had, I listened intently. Though I loved my career and was not looking to do anything else, a magnetic force pulled me in. When the presentation was over, I joined the network marketing business. I was not interested in the business, but I was sold. I was not altogether sold on the work; I was sold on the dream.

Satisfied with my career and the new house I purchased with my husband, I had no desire for more, yet I joined the network marketing business. For anyone trying to secure a recruit, I was an unlikely candidate. I didn't have dreams of great wealth, and I was a shy girl who didn't like to talk to strangers. It did not make sense that I wanted to join the business. However, when I went to the national convention, I understood why someone like me, or anyone for that matter, would be interested.

Every weekly meeting and national convention twice a year was a hotbed for the dreamers; if you were not one, you would become one. What does that mean? It was a place to dream and let your imagination go wild. It was a place that gave you the space to visualize your ambitions, dreams, and goals. It was the location of the fire that supported whatever you wanted and kept burning to give you hope that you could make your dreams come true. And your dreams did not necessarily need to mean only monetary wealth.

Many were sold the dream of great wealth to buy whatever they wanted and live a life of luxury. Strangely, that did not draw me in; I was not one of them, yet I was still sold by a dream. I had a dream of my own, unlike the average guy. I went to meeting after meeting because I wanted to dream, and I wanted my dreams to come true. It was where I was in the company of other dreamers, and it didn't matter what your specific dream was. What mattered was that you had one, and you wanted to make it come true. We were in the same vehicle we believed would help us get there. I smiled a lot because I was in the company of others who wanted to make what seemed impossible possible. It looked possible because we saw many who made their dreams come true and served as examples of inspiration for us. They were the ones on stage sharing their stories and motivating us to keep trying and not to give up.

There I was at a convention, smiling and dreaming. I watched everyone joyfully cheering when a speaker or leader began or finished giving a motivational speech. It was surreal; it was euphoric. I was floating in the clouds. I wasn't dreaming of making millions. I was dreaming of being one of those on stage who gave speeches that motivated and inspired people to achieve whatever they wanted. I wanted to be the one on stage. I wanted to inspire others to greatness but to qualify, I needed to earn a five-figure monthly income. 

Making a five-figure monthly income was a challenge for me. It wasn't easy, and I needed all those motivational speeches and weekly meetings to keep me going. I was not alone. Many others needed what I needed, too.

Though sitting at weekly meetings motivated and encouraged me, it also made me feel like a nobody. It sneaked up on me, and I didn't know that. On one hand, others could motivate you; on another hand, they can make you feel like dirt.

Most of us came from blue-collar or white-collar jobs, and we all wanted to make it big. I suppose for most, that meant making lots of money. If you made lots of money, a crowd would surround you and talk to you. They wanted to be your friend or learn from you. I didn't need a crowd around me, but I didn't enjoy sitting alone after a meeting. No one was interested in talking to me because I wasn't making lots of money. I was nobody because I didn't hit the mark of making the big bucks. I was not considered valuable or worthy because I didn't make the money and was unsuccessful in the business. I wasn't even worthy of befriending because I didn't get those fat checks.

Some would say, welcome to the business world; it is a doggy world to fight your way up to the top. I did not go into the business to be treated like a nobody or squashed like garbage to be put in a trash bin. But I was trashed. I was judged by how much money I made, and since I didn't hit the five to six-figure income monthly, I was nobody in that world. No, it wasn't just that world; it was society saying you are unsuccessful unless you make lots of money. I bought that idea like everybody else. The slap across the face woke me up to that reality. Perhaps I did not notice it so much before because it was not of utmost importance in my other career.

I was somebody in my other career and a nobody in my stint in business as an entrepreneur. I was a successful teacher in my other career. My students excelled, had the highest test scores in the schools I was at, and demonstrated exemplary behavior. Some colleagues admired me for it, and many others were jealous of me. Most important, I made a difference for my students. I was satisfied and fulfilled that I did meaningful work.

I thought that by joining the business, I could make a difference for more people because I had seen thousands of people at the national conventions I attended. Making a difference in the classroom seemed too small. I dreamed of making a difference on a larger scale, and I thought the business was the perfect platform for me to do that. You could say it was, but it was not easy to make that money and then inspire others from the stage. But I wanted it. 

I wanted it so bad that I stayed week after week, month after month, year after year. I endured hundreds of rejections from potential clients and recruits. I endured the disappointments of the many canceled appointments. I tolerated the stares from others who seemed to say why are you still here? They seemed to say you are not making money; you are nobody. Family and friends also seemed to say, Emily, you are a crazy dreamer to think you could become a millionaire. I ignored the naysayers and kept trudging along. Those meetings kept me alive. My persistence, resilience, tenacity, and determination kept me going because I could not accept failure. It was not an option for me. I endured for nearly five years. Some called me insane. I called myself crazy, too. 

Despite the suffering, I had many days of adventure, going out of my comfort zone to meet and talk to many strangers. Exploring different events and places was exciting, too. I learned so much about people and experienced so much that I could not have experienced had I not jumped out of my previously comfortable life. Importantly, I exercised and practiced my creative skills, which helped me meet many challenges. I discovered it to be the ultimate life skill to own. Still, how did I not starve and die? I wondered myself, but I was always a saver, and savings from my teaching job put food on the table.

After five years of thrilling adventures and tremendous suffering, I finally made a monthly five-figure income! Sometimes, I thought that day would never come, yet I kept plugging along. The day came when I was called to speak on stage. I trembled with joy and tears as I spoke in front of a thousand-plus people. Were those five years of misery worth it? A resounding, yes, I say! 

Wow, Emily, you did it! You inspire me to keep going. You inspire me to hang in there and not let all those sales rejections make me want to quit. You stayed focused on the goal, the dream. Wow. All those words were music to my ears. Yes, I suffered all those years just to hear words that told me I made a difference for others and that I had inspired others to dare to dream and achieve what they wanted despite naysayers and the many challenges to get there.

People started crowding around me after the convention and when I went to my weekly meetings. People wanted to be my friend. A strange feeling came over me. I wouldn't say I liked it. I thought to myself, you are not my friend. When I did not make much money, you ignored me and never cared to talk to me, and now that I made some money, you want to talk to me. Such people disgusted me. When I made money, I was a human being; when I didn't, I was still human. 

When I didn't make money, I was treated like a nobody, so I felt like a nobody. When I made some money, I was treated like a somebody. But I didn't feel like a somebody just because they deemed me to be. Wait, I was a somebody before I went into the money-making business. I was a successful teacher who made a difference for hundreds of kids; I was a somebody. I was a human, and I am still a human being who is somebody.

I was a somebody but felt like a nobody when I joined the business. I was always a somebody. I am because I say so. My income does not represent who I am; it does not determine my worth. Money can come and go. Who I am is substantial. My worth is in my character, not my bank account. I am relentless, determined, tenacious, creative, resilient, resourceful and adaptable. I make a difference for others; I inspire others. Don't tell me I am a nobody; don't treat me like a nobody. I declare I am a somebody. I decide that and no one else.

The Beauty in Being Alone
Ticket for one; no one cares, but when I show up to a tour group gathering, I get some stares. I get a ticket to see a movie alone and fear being seen alone. If I venture anywhere for fun alone, people wonder why I went by myself. I feel bad because the world tells me it is not okay to have fun alone. I realized that when I didn’t follow the norm, I felt awkward or out of place, as if I had done something wrong because the people around me, strangers or not, had told me so with the expressions on their faces or blatantly saying, “Why did you go it alone?”

Sitting at home listening to the sounds of rain and piano music while I write my stories of overcoming adversities, big and small, I find myself enjoying the soothing music and solitude of writing. I take a break from writing to color some mandalas and find myself relaxing with the pressures of work escaping me. Sometimes, I turn on videos to sing along or karaoke and feel the dopamine of joy skipping through my veins. I enjoy these activities alone. 

If I don’t write, color, or sing alone, I may not have so much fun with them. If I were writing and someone else was around, I could easily get distracted, be unfocused, and be unable to finish a story sooner. If I were coloring and another person was nearby, I would engage in conversation instead of focusing on the coloring, robbing me of the soothing feeling of coloring. If I were singing, I could not enjoy letting my voice express itself fully because I would be concerned about being judged or criticized for my singing chaps. I love my alone time!

My love for privately singing reminds me of lessons I learned from my tour guide in Bhutan. Climbing the steep mountains above sea level with him, I started huffing and puffing and was concerned about walking too slowly and looking bad, but I couldn’t help it as I was not very fit. He said nothing and only patiently waited for me. His silence in the two or three-hour treks told me there were no demands on me. He demanded nothing of me, so I felt no pressure to force myself to walk any faster than I could. As I continued to walk uphill, he only turned to check on me and continued to say nothing. I began to feel accepted or that I was okay just the way I was because I was not being judged. The pressure was off, and I found myself to stop demanding and judging myself. It relieved me, and the sense of contentment flowed through my body.

Acknowledging the joy I find in my activities alone, I stopped feeling bad or thinking it was wrong to enjoy them. Caring less about what others think or societal norms and attending more to my feelings, I find beauty in being alone.

I enjoy the company of others, but not 24/7. Some may think it strange to enjoy living alone or that there is something wrong with me, but I am the one who lives in my shoes! I love the freedom it brings. I can eat a bag of potato chips and watch a movie at midnight with no guilt. I can eat, shower, and go to sleep whenever I want. Maybe you can with a family, but I couldn’t before, so I treasure the freedom. 

The silence in being alone gives you time to chill, reflect, and analyze anything you want without distractions. It is like when people say it is good or necessary to take the time to meditate, but only in meditation do you empty your mind and get present to the present and your body. In both cases, you can accomplish it when there are no distractions from others. Some things are best done alone!

The question, “Who likes to be alone?” suggests that no one likes to be alone, so something is inherently wrong when you are. To my surprise, I discovered some research about the qualities of people who like to be alone. It suggests that these people are more self-aware, independent, creative, resilient, grateful, empathetic, appreciative of quality relationships, and have a rich inner life. It is official; I can stop feeling guilty for enjoying my alone time and trying to get as much of it as possible. Of those eight qualities, I’d say I have seven of them. Some say I am empathetic, but I can improve in that area. 

There is beauty and fun in being with others, too. However, it is crucial to be comfortable alone because you are always with you, and you cannot escape yourself. Enjoy being alone; enjoy your own company! There is so much you can do freely with no demands, pressures, or judgment when alone. The beauty in being alone can soothe the soul and give you a smile of contentment. 

Key Takeaways
Though I felt like a nobody because I did not make millions of dollars, I learned that my worth is in my character, not my bank account.

Though society may say it is ugly to be alone, I find beauty and joy in being alone.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called Unexpectedly Moved & What Surrounded Me. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!