One of the Friends (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about One of the Friends & From Leaving to Appreciating.

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Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 One of the Friends
• 6:21 From Leaving to Appreciating
• 19:37 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #176 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about One of the Friends & From Leaving to Appreciating.

One of The Friends
Matthew Perry died. Like many actors who have died, his death was splashed all over the news to inform us. I have seen many episodes of the hit TV series Friends, in which Matthew Perry was one of the characters in a group of friends. He wasn’t just another actor; he was a friend. On or off screen, he was part of a group of friends, but he was our friend, too. Though I did not know him personally, I was saddened to hear of his death. I thought it to be odd and wondered why. It occurred to me why many connected with him, including me.

I mourn the loss of friendships past. Perry’s passing reminded me of them. When I was in junior high school, five to six of us regularly did things together outside of school. We planned and had barbecues, picnics, bowling, shopping, basketball, movies, sleepovers, pajama parties, amusement park rides, and more. Those fun-filled days disappeared when we went off to college, went our separate ways, and grew apart. I miss those days. I am sad those friendships no longer exist. Perry’s death reminded me of the death of those junior high school friendships, so I was sad for his friends who lost him.

A few decades after junior high school, I joined a network marketing business. You can easily meet and make many new friends in that environment, but five of us regularly hung around each other. It was odd, but we did. It was me and four guys. Three of them liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend, but they were just friends to me. I enjoyed the many dinners, laughs, and fun together. Chad was the quiet but funny one who liked to tell jokes. I still remember one particular joke I still find hilarious. Chad said, “We are on the same boat; we are a team to support each other because it is tough out there, but sometimes you want to throw Troy overboard because he is just too irritating!” You had to be there, or you had to know Troy to laugh along with the rest of us. 

Troy laughed at himself, too. He was likable in that he had a heart sometimes, but he was also annoying and irresponsible. One time, when we went to a seminar, Troy sat next to me and asked me for a pen and then a piece of paper to take notes. He said, Emily, I love how you are always prepared, and then he asked me for some tissue. We laughed out loud and got a few stares. I did have tissue but didn’t give him one as I knew he didn’t need it. Another time, Troy ran out of cash to get a drink. No one gave him any money, as they knew he would not reimburse them. Then he asked me, and I said, “I have some money because I am always armed for an emergency. You don’t have an emergency, so I am not giving you any.” We all laughed, and Troy said, “Whoa! Always armed; I know where to go in case of emergencies!” 

Derek liked to impart his wisdom and share his knowledge in the business as he was the most experienced, and Jerry enjoyed soaking it all in while Troy or Chad teased him to toughen him up. We were in the sales business; facing one rejection after another was tough. The sprinkles of encouragement for one another and the jokes made gave us many laughs to relieve the challenges of getting sales. I miss the laughs and the camaraderie. I miss it a lot, and I am sad it is something of the past. 

During my stint in the network marketing business, I also built and led a small team of people. The camaraderie and togetherness were immeasurable treasures. The celebratory highs in making sales and getting a new team member were exhilarating. The fall of getting no sales or recruits was a bummer, but weekly words of encouragement and gatherings were heartfelt. The roller coaster rides were sometimes hard to bear, but the camaraderie kept us chugging along and dreaming of success and wealth. I miss those days of togetherness where we celebrated victories and supported each other in downfalls. Our dreams tied us together, and I want to dream again with a bunch of dreamers who want to make their dreams come true. I miss them and am sad for those beautiful days of the past. 

Perry’s death reminded me of long-lost friends, those in groups. They are not in my present life, and I am sad about them. However, it is a reminder to treasure all our friends in the present and to appreciate those we have known for a long time. They give us the strength to forge ahead with support and laughter. Goodbye, Matthew Perry. Goodbye, old friends. Hello, new friends, wherever you are. I welcome you to be my friend.

From Leaving to Appreciating
Struggling to survive a failed business and a global economic crisis in 2008, I moved abroad for a new beginning. I knew I would experience many new and different things, but I never thought I would discover more things about my own country while abroad. I unexpectedly realized a number of valuable things about America. I never appreciated it so much until I left. 

An American who traveled to eighty-five countries and lived in four shared the positive things he discovered about America in a video. Listening to his list of things, I was surprised that I came to the same conclusions when I only traveled to eighteen countries and lived in two. Examining what we consider good features, I began to value being an American born and raised here for the greater part of my life. The significance of the examination is to have gratitude and appreciation for where I came from. Had I not traveled to different countries and lived in a few, I might have never realized or valued my country to an experiential level. 

I am a native English speaker because I was born in America. Many countries want to master English and work hard to learn it as a second language, while it comes naturally and easily to me. I enjoy America's clean air, water, and food without giving it a second thought while some countries continue to search for solutions to those issues. I drive on paved roads or streets with marked boundaries and laws governing traffic or driving. I take it for granted, or that was all I knew, but not all countries have that, and driving on smooth grounds and having rules on the road make my commute easier. Owning a collection of shoes, I realized I accumulated many because the quality of the material had them last a long time. I expected all my shoes to last for many years, but the ones I bought outside my country did not last more than a year. I concluded that the quality of materials available to make things made a difference in how long things lasted, and most of what I had in the USA lasted longer.

One thing I appreciate most about America is its diversity, which has developed from a worldwide history of immigrants. This one aspect expands to cover much more than meets the eye. With diversity, I encounter and know people from different backgrounds. Why does that matter? People from various backgrounds give me different perspectives and opinions; it broadens my views and enriches the substance of my life. I learn the skills of open-mindedness, tolerance, and flexibility. I didn't know living abroad would test me on these skills. I didn't see the value or beauty of these skills until I was abroad.

Living abroad, I was in a more or less homogeneous society. It appeared to be a nice place because I rarely saw people fight in public or disagree in heated arguments. I thought I had discovered a little-known piece of paradise. But upon more speculation, it disturbed me. Of course, I am only making some generalizations from my observations, and I am aware of that. In a homogeneous world, people around me more or less thought the same way and functioned similarly. That is great for getting along with others, but I believe it is not so great for expanding perspectives, gaining new ideas, or developing creativity. When I learn different views or ways of doing things from others, the lens through which I see widens, and I get new ideas, which helps spin my creative juices. Withdrawn from me as I lived abroad, I missed those things and craved them because they added to the spice of life. 

I could not overemphasize the importance of creativity. Numerous inventors and entrepreneurs have this skill that has benefitted many. But you and I have it, too, and it is a matter of pulling it out and using it. Born into the diversity around me, I did not know it contributed to my creativity. Why is it essential, and how does it help in one's daily life? While abroad, I encountered many small and big problems. But, I overcame most of them because the obstacles begged me to pull out my creativity. Creativity is needed to solve many issues or challenges; I could not find solutions without it.

Working abroad, I asked a co-worker, Elsa, to help me find an abode in a specific price range in a particular area. I thought she would know better than me since she was familiar with the area and the language as a local. However, she quickly responded, "That's impossible; I can't help you." Taken aback and shocked at her response, I fumed in anger and frustration. I got that I would not get help from her and immediately set to work. I found a place in the needed price range in the right location for someone. Under my breath, I spouted that I, the foreigner, could solve the problem, while a local was so quick to say it was impossible. It appeared that it should have been much easier for her to do the task, but she said she couldn't. And I, the foreigner unfamiliar with the area and not fluent in the language, could do it. Why? My determination and creativity helped me.

A child needs a notebook at this private school. I have told all my students countless times that when they finish using their notebooks, they need to ask their parents for money to buy one. I even send messages to remind their parents. I also tell them to get a piece of paper from a classmate or ask someone. Still, when they need a notebook, they say, "Teacher, I need a notebook." It baffles me how, after three years of teaching them how to solve this problem, they still can't solve it without my help. If I didn't help, they would sit there helpless. This scene reminds me to be thankful for having the creative skills garnered from my home country.

When others call me to resolve issues, I often help them but ask myself why they could not find solutions to simple daily problems. I credit diversity for giving me various views and ideas to help me meet many challenges and help others with them. When I encounter an issue, I might get upset at first, but I know there is a solution, and it is just a matter of finding it and pulling out my creativity. Finding many who cannot solve problems reminds me of where I came from and how it has helped me meet challenges. I never want to be helpless and sitting there waiting for others to solve my problems.

Many have said that America is the land of opportunity. I never thought much about it until I left. I discovered that on foreign soil, my choices for work were limited simply by my status as a foreigner. I accepted it. However, I noticed that many foreigners in America had many options as long as they were willing to work hard or had the skills. Their background, ethnicity, or language were not necessarily obstacles. Indeed, America is, for the most part, an equal-opportunity employer.

I never considered myself a great risk-taker until I went to other countries. I met many people who explored a few countries, if at all. They were afraid of anything different and were fearful of trying new things. Observing it, I was glad for all the risks I took because, without them, I would have missed out on learning and experiencing many new things, and I would be void of an abundant life. I often say if you don't try it, you will never know and miss out on new experiences that can enrich your life.

Many were unwilling to take even the most minor risks for fear of failure or embarrassment. For example, I had students who refused to answer questions for fear of saying the wrong answer. I know adults who are unwilling to try new kinds of food for fear they may not like it. They also fear going to countries vastly different from theirs; fear stops them from unfamiliar things. No one likes failure or embarrassment, but without taking a chance, how will anyone grow, improve, or enrich their lives? Though you can attribute the fear of taking risks to any human, it appears more pronounced when I go outside my country. I am glad I grew up where taking risks is considered a learning and growing process.

Millions have said that America is a racist country. The media has certainly made that point numerous times. I used to say that was so because there were so many different kinds of people in America that learning to get along and accept differences was needed. While that may be true to a certain degree, my experiences outside the country beg to differ. Though I am an American and a minority ethnically, I never felt such discrimination or racism as I have felt abroad. I have found that the more homogeneous a country is, the more it discriminates against anything or anybody different. They don't trust you, no matter what. You are different from them, and you frighten them. 

The man who traveled to eighty-five countries said America was the least racist country. I only traveled to eighteen, and already I agree with him. In a heterogeneous society such as the USA, we learn to get educated about diversity, sensitivity, and inclusivity. It is not perfect and a work in progress, but where else might there be such a discussion or an inclusion of such a topic in any educational system? I am grateful that it was part of the curriculum when I taught in America. While abroad, I saw adults and children alike laugh at people who were different from them. I am thankful that I was educated and surrounded by diversity so as not to be ignorant.

What do you want to be when you grow up? In some countries, your parents decide that for you. In other countries, religion or cultural norms determine it for you. In my country, I learned I can choose for myself, and the sky's the limit. My motto is that I always have a choice, and I have that freedom in America. I feel most fortunate that I have many options. I am surrounded by a multitude of choices when I want to buy anything. Be it shoes, clothes, food, or anything, I have a large selection to choose from, and the only problem with that is that I may have difficulty deciding from so many choices. Many countries have fewer choices, and I must appreciate that I have an extensive selection of anything.

My departure from America was only an escape from a devastating breakup and financial meltdown. I never imagined that leaving would bring me to appreciate the value of what I had or all that America provided me. It took leaving for me to treasure it. The fresh air, the clean water, the well-maintained national parks and nature, the smooth roads and highways, the orderly and organized places, and the variety of people, places, food,  neighborhoods, and music are all that I must not take for granted. 

The willingness to try different things, take risks, connect with various kinds of people, and know that anything is possible in America is a freedom I have enjoyed for many years. Having seen that it was less prevalent elsewhere made me value America more. 

Limited in what I could buy or do in other countries, I realized I always had a wide selection to choose from whatever I wanted to buy in the USA. Limited by what I could do or say when not in my home country, I discovered the value of all the freedoms granted me as an American. It is all too precious!

Key Takeaways
Though I have many long-lost friends, it reminds me to treasure the ones I have and to make new friends.

Though I may have taken some things for granted in my home country, I came to appreciate them when I temporarily lost them by being elsewhere.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called What Adversity Does & When to Quit. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!