What Adversity Does (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about What Adversity Does & When to Quit.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:00 What Adversity Does
• 6:34 When to Quit
• 20:09 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #177 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan.  In this episode, you will hear about What Adversity Does & When to Quit.

What Adversity Does
I’ve roamed the streets without food or a home. I once lost my house when I failed in business. I voluntarily stopped working because I didn’t love my job anymore but could no longer afford rent. I was at the end of my rope. Did the adversities change me?

Two boyfriends cheated on me, and my ex-husband abused me emotionally. My heart broke into pieces. Did the devastations change me?

I always knew I wanted to make a difference for kids. I wanted them to know they had a voice with my listening ear because the child in me always wanted my voice to be heard. I wanted their feelings acknowledged with my listening ear because the little girl in me always wanted grown-ups to consider my feelings. But after twenty-plus years, I no longer want to do it, or I have had my fill. I lost my career path. Did the disturbance change me?

I endured the excruciating pain of sudden fibroid attacks with no cure. I have lived with anemia causing cold hands or moments of weakness. I have had fainting spells due to anemia or overbearing stress. I have more health issues on the way as I age. Did the problems change me?

Born into a family that tossed me away at one and five, I never belonged or bonded with them in love. Motherhood was too overwhelming for Mom when she had me as a teenager, so she did what she needed to do with me: place me elsewhere. My biological family was never a place where I could find support, help, care, or love. Did the dysfunctions change me?

Money, love, career, health, and family are five significant areas of life; adversity followed me in each area. It came to challenge me. It threatened my survival. It demanded me to face them or die. It seemed to reach in and puncture a hole in me to pull my intestines out to see if I would bleed or scream. I did so silently. It wanted to know if it could break me. I refused to let it. It wanted to see if I could endure excruciating pain. I am still alive. 

I didn’t know why it wanted to repeatedly test me when I had shown I could overcome; I could tolerate, survive, and live more than nine lives. Abandoned as a child, I had low self-esteem, but I pressed on living with relatives who told me I didn’t belong and didn’t run away. No relatives contributed money to my college education, but I found ways to get the needed funds and graduated with a college degree. Emotionally abused in a marriage, I stood up and moved forward with the courage to divorce. Broke and homeless after a disastrous stint in business, I moved abroad and thrived with a new job. Heartbroken and numbed by a boyfriend who cheated on me, I refused to fall into a depression and took action to take care of my mental health. 

Adversity is relentless with me. I don’t have the answers to why it keeps showing up on my doorstep. But I do know I will face it each time it shows up. I won’t let it drown me like a tsunami. I won’t let me run me over like a truck. And I won’t let it crush me like an avalanche.

I choose to believe adversity follows me to make me stronger and stronger. It forces me to pull out my creativity to solve problems. Because problems won’t be resolved quickly, it demands me to have tenacity, determination, and flexibility. Because they are not easy to overcome, it invites me to have courage step forward. It provides me the opportunity to extract the tools out of me to practice using them and sharpen my skills constantly. I refuse to be a victim.

I never considered that struggles, challenges, and pain could bring so many positive traits to a person like me who dared to face and overcome adversity again and again. I never imagined that it could create so many stories for me to share in my voice on a podcast or in my writing on paperbacks to forge a meaningful life that could give strength and hope to myself and others.

Adversity can be found in every area of life, even if you don’t look for it; it could change you or make you grow and develop into a stronger you, but only if you face it, make a change, and resolve it.

Adversity will knock on your door. Don’t be afraid of it. It can only make you a mighty, powerful person if you deal with it. Welcome it!

When to Quit
I always thought quitting was terrible because I perceived it as giving up. If I left a job, I viewed myself as a failure to persist or lacked patience. Failure is difficult for me to accept, so I often tolerate or persist with enormous tenacity. However, though I may have strengthened my character in the process, I realized that I simultaneously endured suffering that may not have been necessary. Sometimes, quitting can be a good thing or the right thing to do. Discovering this released me from self-inflicted guilt and suffering; it brought relief and freedom.

I hate my job; I quit! It did not happen often, but when it did, I usually endured a year before I would call it quits. Why? I hated quitting; I hated failure! 

I landed my dream job of teaching a foreign language. It was a long-held dream because I was passionate about learning the language of my ancestors. I didn’t know how long it would take to understand it to a level of proficiency where I could teach others. I studied it formally for nine years, self-studied a few more years, and ventured to take a lengthy test to qualify myself for a teaching license. After many years of studying it and taking an intensive advanced course, I finally registered for the exam that tested my listening, speaking, reading, and writing skills. After a gruesome six hours of testing, it was weeks of anxious waiting for the results. Did I pass or fail? Did all my hard work pay off? Miraculously, I passed! I was ecstatic and full of smiles; I was triumphant! 

After landing my dream job, it quickly became a nightmare. My high school students in the big inner city school had no interest in what I had to teach them. I tried engaging them with various activities, including videos, songs, food, music, dance, cultural events, chants, and writing, but no matter what I did, they did not appear interested. They were only interested in communicating and interacting with each other. I thought it was the subject matter, but colleagues said the attitude was the same in different subjects. Several co-workers even said they caught my students doing the homework I provided them in their classes. I was shocked. They didn’t show interest in my class and did not do most of their homework in other classes, but they did mine! I couldn’t believe it when other co-workers told me they heard my students sing songs in my foreign language. 

Though hearing some positives about my students made me feel better, it did not eliminate the daily grind of attempting to engage them and have them learn as much as I wanted. Classes became boring and meaningless, and I didn’t want my passion for the subject to decline. It hurt that I could not pique their interest. Others would say that is how high school kids are these days. They only have an interest in their peers and social media. My dream job was no longer a dream; it was a nightmare that happened during the day when I was working. Keen to finish the job by the end of the school year, I persisted and then quit.

I learned that I did not enjoy working with high school students. If I did not find satisfaction in the job, why suffer some more or endure like I always did? My time is too valuable to spend so much time doing something I didn’t enjoy, so I quit. I didn’t feel bad about quitting this time because I released myself from the boredom and unfulfilling experience. But I was sad that the realization of my dream was not as expected.

I am moving; I need to quit this job. Leaving a job sometimes happened as I needed to move for one reason or another. I worked at McDonald’s at sixteen and loved it, but I moved out of state at seventeen, so I quit. I worked at Burger King but stopped when I moved again to start college out of state. I secured various jobs during college, ended work when I graduated, and moved again. I got married and moved far from my position, so I needed a job closer to home. Each move was a new location, so I needed a new job. It didn’t feel like I was giving up; it only felt like a necessity, so I had no guilty feelings.

I am tired of my job; I want to do something else, so I want to quit. I loved my teaching career of over twenty years, but the day came when I didn’t love it anymore. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. Was it the kids in a new generation? Was it the staff members or other teachers? It was probably a combination of them all. The desire to quit was disturbing because it was as if I lost my way, but it led me to explore different avenues I might not have considered had I been satisfied. Never did I expect to become a writer and podcaster, but because I didn’t want to do the job I was doing anymore, I searched for what I could do that would bring meaning and joy to me. Who could have guessed that dissatisfaction could bring about new possibilities, opportunities, and choices?!

After working for some years abroad and flying back home, I landed a position where I secured a high salary in a wealthy neighborhood. I thought I was set for the rest of my career. To my surprise, I quit after a year. It was my first time quitting a job because of co-workers and an administration that was not supportive. It was mainly one person, the teacher next door to me. She meddled and wanted to know what I was teaching. She wanted me to teach what she was teaching at the same time since we were teaching the same grade level. It made sense, but she had her supplemental and optional activities, which differed from mine. She wanted to demand that we do those activities the same, too. 

Jaime, my next-door teacher, approached me one day to let me have it! She said the previous teacher had discussed everything with her and that they were best friends. She wanted the same with me, but I did not consult her and asked her for help. I politely let her know that I was busy familiarizing myself with a new curriculum, and if I had any questions or needed help, I would ask her. Since I was also an experienced teacher, I had to find things to ask her. I realized that she needed me to need her, but I didn’t, so it caused her great distress. 

Jaime was so upset that I didn’t consult her and be her buddy that she told the principal I wasn’t asking her for help and using her personal library to teach some stories. Luckily, the principal did not see me doing anything wrong regarding the curriculum, as I was using the material I was supposed to be using. However, he sided with her as I did not appear to work as a team with her. We were both experienced teachers but she needed me to need her. Since I didn’t need her, she caused trouble for me. She talked to my students to see what homework I gave them. She chatted with my kids to see what activities I did. She was not my mentor or superior, yet she needed to know what I was doing and didn’t like it if I did something that was not exactly what she did. She complained to the principal, and apparently, he agreed with her as he appeared to begin disliking me. I had a feeling that made me so uncomfortable in the environment that I wanted to leave.

I shared this with my friend Selina, who is a straightforward person. She immediately snapped, “You are an experienced teacher; why would you need her help? If you needed something, I am sure you would ask. She is the one with the problem of being so needy.” I agreed. It would be a couple more years before Jaime would retire. I wanted to wait it out, but with each passing day, it became more unbearable as I knew she sneaked in time to talk to my students about me during recess and before or after school. It almost felt like she was building a case against me for my students to dislike me and the principal. And it was all because I didn’t fulfill her needs and did not become her buddy. 

I am an independent person and do not like such needy people. Her presence made work extremely unpleasant. Finally, I decided to quit. The environment she created around me was unbearable, and since she had been there for many years while I was the newbie at the school, no one was on my side. I endured the year and left. I was happy never to see her again.

I had quit a job because I hated it, got bored, had to move, got a terrible co-worker, or had unsupportive leadership. They all sound like valid reasons, but much mental anguish came with them, too. Fortunately, I have learned something from each one. 

We spend many hours a day at work, so how we spend it there is important. My well-being is essential to my happiness. My time is limited; I value my time, so how I spend it is vital. I have enjoyed many years of a career I love and some years with jobs I enjoyed. I have also had jobs that were not to my liking. Why stay at a job that gives you grief, distress, boredom, or unhappiness? When dissatisfied or unhappy, move on. I may not move on so quickly if I need the paycheck, but I am looking for other opportunities. Don’t settle; time is too important. 

What can you do when you want to quit your job but stay because you need the income? I have gotten into such a position, and it is not all bad. Knowing you have a steady income that can pay the bills is good. Who wants more problems? What can you do to alleviate the distress of work that doesn’t give you joy? Once I clock out, I research and find what I like to do. Once found, I start doing what I need to do to lead me to do something else. I could also take the time to find or enjoy what I am passionate about.  

I enjoy writing personal stories, publishing books, podcasting, learning languages, exploring new places, and more. Some of these passions and side hustles came from hating my job and searching for something to relieve the pain. Because I hate eight hours of my day working for the paycheck, I decided I needed to explore other opportunities that would give me joy. I also needed to spend eight hours doing something I enjoyed. With eight hours of sleep and eight hours of work I hate, I needed eight hours of doing things I wanted. That keeps my basic needs covered. However, I continue to enjoy my side hustles until I can make enough money from them to quit the eight-hour-a-day job I hate. Then I can have sixteen hours a day of doing what I enjoy!

Why not quit even if you don’t have a backup? I did that before, two times! I ended up in dire straits. Financially, my survival was at risk, and I gained more problems. So, as much as I hate my job, it motivates me to keep working at the things I enjoy and work to have an income doing what I like to replace the one I hate. When is a good time to quit? Consider what is important to you and consider how you spend your time. If you are not enjoying your job, plan and find what you like to do before quitting. When I quit before finding another job, it only caused more problems. Enduring a job that does not bring satisfaction is also hard to bear, but it can motivate you to find a replacement for it or start side hustles or self-employment that will bring fulfillment. They take time, but at least there is a balance between good times spent and bad times endured in a lousy job. When is a good time to quit? Choose; it is your choice. Make a decision and take action; value the precious commodity: time.

Key Takeaways
Though I have encountered much adversity, it has strengthened my character and sharpened my problem-solving skills.

Though quitting may seem like a failure, sometimes quitting helps bring about new possibilities, opportunities, and choices.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called Two Big Eye-Opening Moments & So I Heard. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!