Escape From the Past & Future (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Escape from the Past and Future & The Day I Knew.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:04 Escape From the Past & Future
• 9:51 The Day I Knew
• 21:47 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #181 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Escape From the Past and Future & The Day I Knew.

Escape From the Past and Future
Unmotivated to get up, I dragged myself downstairs and into the kitchen for breakfast. I dumped some cereal into a bowl and poured milk into it. I lifted the spoon to feed myself and found it too laborious to do as all the energy in my body seemed to have escaped me. It was too much work to lift, feed, and eat, so I stopped. Sitting at the kitchen table, I looked out into my garden from my backyard sliding glass door. I could feel the warm, sunny day, but I couldn’t embrace the joy of sunshine. My eyes seemed to stare into blank space. My head slowly turned to the left as if looking into the past. It quickly turned to the right as if looking into the future. Both were too scary. The only place left to be was in my chair at my breakfast table. Suddenly, I knew what it meant to be in the present moment.

Looking at the past only brought miserable or sad memories, which was nothing new to me. Thinking about the future was always a mind full of worries and hopes mixed together. However, looking at both was so scary this time that I could not turn left or right again. So, I got sandwiched between the two and had to confront the present. 

The day before that morning breakfast, when it was too hard to finish eating my cereal, I learned that my boyfriend of nine years had cheated on me. I knew I couldn’t live with it, so I broke up with him. Though numbed and brought into a zombie state, it got me into the present. It was too painful to think about what happened in the recent past and too scary to look at the blank future that always used to have many ideas filled with hopes and dreams and the man I loved.

The following days of breakfast were still too laborious, so I ate less. However, I sat there soaking in the warm sunshine that penetrated through the glass patio sliding door. I felt the cold white liquid slide down my throat along with lumps of cereal. I marveled at the varnished oak table I bought years ago and slid my hand across it as if smoothing it down. I enjoyed the soft, cushiony chair I sat on and rested my arms on the armrests. And I listened to the silence in the air. I could only hear a slight humming sound from my refrigerator. Sitting in the present was strange as I was not used to doing it. My mind was too often busy thinking about what I needed to do and analyzing anything that already happened. When did I have time for the present? The devastating breakup plunged me into the present with full force.

Years before the breakup, the last time I was in total immersion in the present was when I was over a thousand miles up in the air. Those first seventy seconds of dropping out of a small plane dropped my heart, but seconds later, I floated above the world. The crispy cold air blew on my face to freeze and harden my soft skin. I knew it to be so because it felt like I was cracking ice when I involuntarily smiled. All I could hear was the sound of wind blowing profusely. There were no human or man-made sounds. The sheer joy of floating high above with the mighty strong winds holding me up only brought me a million smiles.

My mind was empty. There were no thoughts of anything from the past or the future. I was only in the present. My eyes saw large regions of sand or soil below me and the vast sky of clouds above me. Though I could see the rays of sunshine, I only felt the cold air surrounding me. I didn’t know why I was smiling; I only knew I was elated. I was present to the sights, sounds, and touch of the air that enveloped and protected me. My head was wholly decluttered from any voices or thoughts. If there were any, they were downsized to a dime-size. I discovered the meaning of ultimate freedom and learned that there was much in the power of my hands or from within me. It came from being in the present. 

Floating miles above land made me fully engaged in the moment. Devastation brought me to engage with the present again.  

In a less extreme instance, I had the chance to be in the present for more extended periods. On a spiritual journey to Bhutan, the land of the thunder dragon and the land of happiness, I found peace and contentment. With seventy percent natural land, I could not help but look at the surrounding nature. The sights brought inner peace and humbled me, reminding me that we are only one small part of this great universe. Immersed in carbon-neutral fresh air, I felt my body vacuum it all in to give me new energy to begin anew. The many trees and mountains remind me that I am but a small part of the bigger world around me, and my ego of self-righteousness subsides to free me from negativity.

Immersed in the present, I bow to nature and appreciate what it does for me in mind and spirit. With a clear mind, I found myself writing one short story after another. The ideas seemed to flow as quickly as the running river water, allowing my fingers to tap away and turn words into sentences and stories. There seemed to be no pauses as if I was unbothered about whether there were any rocks or boulders in the river; I continued tapping away in amazement. It was like I had found ultimate freedom, and nothing could imprison me.

Unburdened and untied to the past and future, I escaped to the present, and in it, I also escaped the heaviness of the past and the pressures and stresses about the future. I may have accidentally put myself in the present when I was devastated by a breakup, went skydiving, and traveled to Bhutan, but I can make a conscious effort to be there daily.

One exercise I began is Qigong, a mind-and-body kind of exercise. It is not an aerobic exercise but slow motions and stretches with intentional movements. It gets me to be present with my body and notice it. It also clears my mind and pulls energy from within to generate vitality. I couldn’t be happier with the daily doses of energy and positive spirits. To attain those results, I have to focus on the movements. Distractions from the mind would not allow me to follow the movements seamlessly. So, by emptying any thoughts in my mind, I can be with my body, complete the movements, and enjoy the benefits. Qigong forces me to practice being in the moment. It has made me a frequent visitor of the present instead of the past and future. It reminds me to actively put myself in the present and enjoy more peace, happiness, and freedom. 

Whether in the past, present, or future, I remind myself: Don’t let the past control you; don’t let the future worry you. Choose to be in the present more often, where freedom, joy, and peace await you!

The Day I Knew
I ran into my boss at the Home Depot the day before Monday. Monday was the day my long-held belief about work was shattered. It was the beginning and end of it. I used to think I had job security if I did an exceptional job. I thought I would be valued, appreciated, acknowledged, and recognized for outstanding work. I was woefully wrong. My boss's action smacked me in the face to wake me up. My exemplary work didn't matter. She could care less about me. That was the day I knew I was just a number.

Monday morning, Ms. Hell, I called her in my mind, asked me to fill out papers for my resignation. When she ran into me at the Home Depot with my husband, my stupid husband, now ex-husband, told her we bought a house an hour away. Ms. Hell assumed I would leave my job soon since a one-hour commute would be inconvenient. I let her know that I might stay. I told her I had not found a job near my new home yet and would be staying if I did not secure one. I had a right to do so, and a union protected me to keep my job.

Despite knowing I had a right to keep my job, Ms. Hell pestered me for three months. She had seen me at the Home Depot at the end of March, and soon it was April. The school would be out in June, so she hinted at me for three months to sign resignation papers to ensure she hired my intern before the end of the school year. I didn't understand her concern because positions were always filled during the summer. Why was she worried?

Two student teachers visited our school and did observations of all the teachers. Both requested that I be their mentor teacher. Ms. Hell agreed. Though there was compensation for the extra task, it was more work on top of my workload. I complied and did the additional work. Was I appreciated? Ms. Hell bugged me again for the resignation form.

My students' test scores on annual standardized testing were so high they elevated her school to be ranked in the top twenty in the city for the first time. Test scores and school rankings were published in the local newspapers for all to see. Ms. Hell cut it out of the newspaper and framed it to show that her school got into the top twenty elementary schools in San Francisco. Undoubtedly, she was proud and happy. She acknowledged me briefly but still pushed me to sign the resignation paper.

Out of seventy-five schools in our public school system, my classroom was chosen to be used in a Joe Montana Back-to-School commercial. Ms. Hell was happy with the recognition the school got and gave me a thousand dollars to buy books for my classroom library. Still, she proceeded to tell me to fill out the resignation form. Her actions showed she was worried my position might not be filled, but teaching positions were always filled in those days. There were two months in the summer when principals got positions filled; why was she worried?

One relaxing Saturday morning in May, Ms. Hell called me to ask about the resignation form. After getting off the phone with her, my head strained, and I screamed aloud in anger. How dare she call me on the weekend to pester me some more. It was soon June, and I hadn't found a job yet. I was not surprised because most principals conducted interviews in the summer after the students were out of school. But Ms. Hell kept bugging me. 

On a Tuesday afternoon, the human resource department called me to ask if I was leaving my job, and if so, I needed to sign a resignation form. I could feel the fire in me burn with fury. I never mentioned leaving my job, so why would the human resource department think I might go? Of course, it had to be Ms. Hell who called them. The lengths she went to try to push me out!

I firmly told the department I had not yet found a job in another city. I stated, "As the union told me, I had a right to keep my job, and if and when I chose to leave, I would sign the form. Am I not correct in my rights?" The lady on the other end of the phone agreed, and our conversation ended. The lengths Ms. Hell went to push me out angered me more. Feeling unappreciated and devalued for three long months, it became clear that I was just a number. Ms. Hell stamped that message in my head: You are just a number.

The sizzling engraving burned me, and I carried the scar into my future jobs. I never forgot the lessons Ms. Hell taught me. Employers don't care about you. Everyone is replaceable; anyone is dispensable. You are used as needed and tossed out when they want to. Ms. Hell altered my work attitude. 

Though I continue to put out my best efforts in any job I do, including extra tasks, I now set my limits. Before the work attitude alteration, I did everything a boss asked of me. I even did additional work without pay. Now, I don't always do that. One boss asked me to do a training for her benefit of having it on record for her company that she had quality worker bees. It was of no benefit to me as I did not need it for a promotion, and it did not enhance my resume. "No, thank you," I said. The realization that I was just a number or a worker bee for a boss or employer was nauseating. However, it gave me a big whack to knock some sense into me. I needed a better plan for my work life instead of a boss planning it for me. In the words of author and entrepreneur Jim Rohn, "If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan and guess what they have planned for you? Not much." I need to build my dreams, or my bosses will hire or keep me to build theirs. Ouch! But that pain is good because it yanks me into an awakening.

Before the work attitude alteration, I worked until I was satisfied with my tasks. I worked until I completed a task. I did not like to have unfinished tasks of the day, so I worked until I finished them. I still have such a work ethic, but I will be mindful of my time and ask myself, can I do it when I am back on the clock? Can it wait? The answer was usually yes. When I choose to attend to my needs before my boss, I liberate myself and celebrate with exhilaration! 

When I am on the clock, I do my work. When I am off the clock, I minimize doing anything related to work. I didn't do this before because I was too much of a perfectionist, and after learning the detrimental effects of an extreme perfectionist from my ex-husband, I stopped myself in my tracks. I also reasoned that I loved my work, so that was why working on or off the clock did not matter. Even if I still loved my work, I needed to balance work and play. I only learned these lessons in hindsight.

Since I no longer love my work, I stop myself in my tracks when I clock out. "The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities," stated Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Indeed, I must schedule my priorities. Health is a priority, so I need to balance work and play. Happiness is a priority, so I make time to enjoy my passions, such as writing, podcasting, language learning and exploring. Quality time is a priority. Though I need to work as an employee to pay the bills for now, my priority is to minimize spending any time on work-related tasks after I clock out. Lessons learned. I wish I learned them earlier, but as theologian and philosopher Soren Kierkegaard stated, "Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards."

Though I was angry with how Ms. Hell treated me, she unknowingly taught me valuable lessons. Though my beliefs about work were shattered, it was good that they were. I needed to wake up to the reality of working for a boss. I am working for a boss, but I need to be working for me. Doing what pleases me is more important because my happiness can only positively affect others. I also need to make myself a priority. By prioritizing myself, I also prioritize how I spend my time. If I didn't put my needs first, no one else would. I can do a better job when I feel better. So, while meeting my own needs, I can better help those around me. 

The day I knew I was just a number was the beginning of me taking charge of my time and energy to do the necessary things and create windows of time to do what I enjoy as often as possible.

My friend Adeline asked, "How could you have a full-time job and have time to do a weekly podcast episode and write three plus short stories every week and publish two books a year?! My answer is simple. I got that when I go to work, I am a worker bee for someone, but I get what I want: that paycheck to pay the bills and put food on the table. Before I clock in, I work on my projects and do what I enjoy. After I clock out, I delight in doing my hobbies and relaxing. The more I design my life, the more power I give myself, and the more energy I have to allot time for whatever I find interesting and fun! 

Whether you are a worker bee or not, design how you spend your time, do more of the things you want or enjoy, leave memorable footprints for yourself and others, and know that you are not just a number.

Key Takeaways
Though I was scared to look at the past and future, I got sandwiched into the present, where living in the moment brought more freedom, peace, and joy.

Though I was just a number to my boss, my worth is in my declaration.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called True to His Word & The Value of McDonald’s. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!