The Other Side of Me (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Other Side of Me & The Third Kind of Smarts.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:00 The Other Side of Me
• 9:50 The Third Kind of Smarts
• 19:35 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #188 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Other Side of Me & The Third Kind of Smarts.

The Other Side of Me   

Most people who knew Emily said she was quiet, reserved, and serious. When she moved three thousand miles from the East Coast to the West Coast to be near her boyfriend, her friends were shocked. “Wow, I never knew that about you; I can’t believe you did that!” remarked Eve. When she went skydiving with some strangers, even acquaintances were surprised that she did it. “I can’t believe you actually jumped out!” said Amanda. When the college dormitories were closed, she had little money and hitchhiked to see new places up North. “That’s dangerous; how could you do that?!” gasped Charlene. Why were people surprised at the things Emily did? Quiet, reserved, and serious, Emily couldn’t do such things in their mind. They couldn’t picture it. I wondered what they assumed or thought to make them surprised. Perhaps it was because they didn’t know the other side of Emily. But doesn’t everybody have more than one side to them?

At seventeen, Emily’s long-distance boyfriend visited her and flew from the West Coast to the East Coast to see her. She stayed at the hotel overnight with him for a week, and no one knew! She told her grandmother she stayed at her friend’s house since they were on summer vacation. Grandma knew about her friends but never checked in on her or found out the truth. Her uncles and aunties, who were busy with their lives, didn’t take notice either! How did Emily get away with it?! She appeared to be that good girl everyone thought she was, and she was, for the most part. Only she fell madly in love with her first serious boyfriend and did unimaginable things.

When she was eighteen, Emily went to Taiwan for six weeks to participate in a language and culture program. Her family knew where she went for the summer as they saw her off at the airport. However, before returning home, Emily decided to take a detour or stop in Hong Kong for a couple of days to visit her college buddy Evan. It was only Emily’s second trip out of the country and traveling alone. When she got back, no one noticed or realized that she had come back four days late. How did Emily get away with it? Did her relatives not care or forget the return date?! She appeared to be that responsible girl everyone thought she was, and Emily was, for the most part, but she did a sneaky thing without notice!

At nineteen, Emily transferred from her utopian college to the West Coast to be with her boyfriend. She told Grandma that colleges were cheaper there, so she was transferring schools. Since Grandma knew Emily was handling her college expenses with no family help, she agreed but expressed a heavy heart full of worries and hoped that she would keep herself safe. Grandma never knew about the lie or the boyfriend. How was Emily able to fool everyone in the house?! Perhaps her aunties and uncles could care less where she went, but Grandma cared. Maybe Emily made up a good lie that was not altogether a lie. Tuition was cheaper, but that was not why she went; she transferred to be with her boyfriend.

Away at college, Emily never went home during vacation time. She traveled to other states, hitchhiked to different places, stayed with acquaintances and strangers, roamed the streets alone with one piece of bread to eat daily, and slept at hotel lounges or hostels. Her grandmother would have been heartbroken if she knew because she was a loving grandmother. But Emily didn’t want Grandma to know that she didn’t want to go home and be in the presence of her uncles, who told her she didn’t belong. She said she stayed in the dorms. Clueless about college, Grandma believed Emily. Emily got away with lying again. How did she get away with it? Emily was honest most of the time, so when she did lie, no one knew.

Emily yearned to fly like a bird and jumped at the chance to go skydiving, bungy-jumping, ziplining, and hot-air balloon riding. When she did those things, she excitedly shared about it with friends and acquaintances, but they all listened in disbelief. Why didn’t they believe her when she was telling the truth and even had pictures to prove it? Did they think she was too reserved and wouldn’t take such risks? Was it because they wouldn’t take such risks themselves? Why did they shake their heads like she was crazy? Why didn’t they say Emily, you are so brave! Maybe Emily’s actions didn’t fit into the image of the person they thought Emily to be. Emily didn’t look like a risk-taker, but she was; others couldn’t digest the idea.

Emily quit her successful career to go into business. Emily moved out of the country to have a new beginning. Emily quit her job without another job lined up. Her friends said it was so unlike her and disagreed with her risky decisions, especially when she did them in midlife. “You are crazy, Emily,” they said. Shaking their heads, they couldn’t understand why Emily took such risks when she wasn’t young anymore. Emily was known to be careful and planned many things before taking action, so why did she do those things that seemed juvenile? Her friends didn’t know that she had carefully planned before quitting her job, going into business, and moving abroad. Perhaps that was why they were scratching their heads.

Emily didn’t believe in divorce, yet she got one. She didn’t believe in fortunetelling, but she saw several. Emily was not religious, but she explored it in Bhutan and read some books on Buddhism. She wasn’t a churchgoer but went whenever her friend Selina asked. Emily had her family and friends stumped by her actions, but she was clear about why she did what she did. They were only baffled because they didn’t know another side of Emily. Emily had to adjust and change course in her marriage. Emily was curious and wanted to know her future or see if someone knew. She wasn’t religious but curious and open-minded enough to explore some ideas. Did others not consider that, or did they just not know?

Many people are deftly afraid of public speaking or speaking in front of others, but Emily loved it; it thrilled her and gave her great satisfaction to express her voice and have a captive audience. This was because she was silenced as a child or her words didn’t matter to the adults that surrounded her at home. To speak in front of others was her chance to speak and be heard. Emily shared the joys of public speaking with her friends and co-workers. They frowned and looked puzzled. They couldn’t understand how anyone would like public speaking. They were even more baffled with how much Emily enjoyed it because she was a quiet person who did not look like she would like to talk in front of hundreds.

Silent for too long and perhaps out of habit, Emily was often quiet and did not voice her opinions because she was shut down long ago as a kid. People probably got used to it, so when Emily spoke her mind at a meeting, people perked up to listen and then some would say, “What’s the matter?” They were not used to Emily speaking up, so it was understandable but annoying. Didn’t they know that Emily had a voice or an opinion like anyone else? Why think something was wrong?!

I am a quiet introvert who enjoys alone time and chatting with a friend or two. I am also a curious adventurer and risk taker. I am determined and assert myself to achieve goals and dreams. While the different sides of me may not all appear to fit together to others, I am one whole me. Please don’t judge a book by its cover alone. Look under the covers to find details, intricacies, and complexities that make one unique.

The Third Kind of Smarts       

Go to school or self-learn, and you can get some book smarts. Roam the streets or travel elsewhere, and you can get some street smarts. Whether you are street smart, book smart, or both, I discovered the third kind of smarts that is most invaluable. It has strengthened my character and given me a meaningful and abundant life instead of the difficult and miserable life I thought I had.

As a kid, going to school was going through the motions of doing what was needed or what society said to do, so I did it. Growing up, Grandma always said to study hard, do well in school, and you will go far in life. In other words, education was the answer to a better life. I believed it and did everything to get myself to college. It was no easy feat because I needed to find a way to fund it myself without the support of any relatives. I was interested in learning all about child psychology and a foreign language. I did not care much about the rest. I discovered the value of being book-smart only after graduate school and all the formal education. Not only is it important to know more things, but learning more is fun and fascinating!

After twenty-plus years of formal education, you’d think I would stop, or it was enough. But after completing all the needed courses to get degrees, licenses, and certificates, my learning journey to be book smart began to be enjoyable and beautiful. Be book-smart so you know more things. Don’t just know but use and apply knowledge to move forward or to expand beyond yourself. Be curious and learn more; learning what you didn’t know before is exciting and fun. Now, it is not something I need or must do; it is something I want to do. I hunger to know more, and it is easier and more convenient to learn than ever before because we can take classes online or self-learn using the Internet. 

Dying to escape home life, where I was emotionally miserable, I roamed the streets, explored new places, and discovered the challenges of keeping safe and protecting myself from harm. Walking down the wrong alleys, I soon learned to stomp down the street with focus as if I knew where I was going or appeared to have urgent places to go. I must have instinctively picked up my mean look that said don’t mess with me and I scared anybody who tried to get near me. Learning to be street-smart was a matter of survival. Luckily, as a young teenager, I still had a home to return to; it was better than being on the streets.

During college, however, when the dorms closed during vacations, I looked for places to stay because I did not want to go home and needed enough food to survive. With little in my pocket to pay for hotels, I found hotels with lounging areas where I could sit and sleep. Amazingly, I got my free hotel stays in lounges and washed up in public restrooms without getting caught. By day, I roamed the streets sightseeing and going to the grocery store for a loaf of bread to last me the week, with one slice for lunch and one slice for dinner each day. 

My college days must have been when I learned the third kind of smarts. Some book smarts and street smarts helped me with adaptable smarts. This kind of smartness is essential to survival, problem-solving, and triumph over adversity. As Charles Darwin said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” Indeed, book smarts alone will not do it, and street smarts alone will not do it. The combination of the two and some grit, flexibility, resourcefulness, resilience, courage, and creativity are also needed for some adaptable smarts.

Take classes and read books to get book smart, roam the streets, and travel to get street smart, but how do you get adaptable smarts? Adaptable smarts came to me through the many obstacles or challenges I faced. You gain adaptable smarts by facing and conquering adversity. Please do not ignore it; pretend it is not there and hope that problems will disappear miraculously. Do not beg others for help or play a victim to get help. Face it; do something about it. If you are like me, you will because you hate depending on others or asking for help. I used to think it was a sign of weakness, so I didn’t ask and demanded self-sufficiency. While it may have made my life more difficult, it strengthened my resilience, pulled out my creativity to solve problems, and forced me to be flexible and resourceful. The combination of it all produced courage and grit.

Determined to go to college even though I lacked the finances and had no support from relatives, I knew college was my ticket to freedom from home life and a better future. I had to find a way to get there; the impossible had to be made possible. With that mindset, my creativity appeared to help me be resourceful and find a way. I knew the solution depended on me, and my success depended on me. Without me, there would be no resolution. If I did not find a way, it would be the end of any hope for any bright future. Refusing to give up, I found a way and got a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree.

After resigning from a long and successful career, I took the risk to go into business with dreams of becoming a millionaire. I made zero the first year and hardly made enough to put food on the table for the next three years. I only survived it with savings from my previous career. Many wondered why I persisted when I was not making money and didn’t stay in my safe and secure job. When I was hungry to put food in my mouth, I wondered, too. I only knew that I was determined to make enough to get myself on stage to give a speech to inspire others to keep pressing on.

Pulling out creativity, I found various ways to meet and approach prospective clients to make a sale. Having started in the business, I was determined to complete or end it with some success, so I continued with tenacity and resilience because failure was not an option for me. I kept at it until I finally earned the right to go on stage. You needed to be a top earner to earn the right. Surprisingly, I reached the top ten and made a five-figure monthly income. The honor of speaking in front of thousands to motivate and inspire others to triumph was worth the five years of pain and struggles.

After surviving the 2008 global economic crisis by working abroad, I never thought another crisis would hit me in the same lifetime, but it did. Hit with the worldwide pandemic of 2020, I once more hit rock bottom with no income. Once more, I found working abroad to be the solution, but this time, I could not overcome the travel bans. Each ticket I booked, the airlines canceled, and each day I stayed home, I was without an income to survive. Faced with the impossibility of overcoming government-induced travel bans, I needed to wait. But I couldn’t sit and wait; I was running out of money. Something had to be done; I had to find a way to be allowed to get on the plane. Creativity and tenacity stepped forward. My relentless efforts gave me more ideas. I had to make the impossible possible because my livelihood was at stake. It was a matter of survival, so I found a way and was on the plane to a job waiting for me.

Some of the significant adversities tackled were my success in financing my college degrees, making a monthly five-figure income, and overcoming a travel ban to move abroad to a secure job. Book smarts and street smarts helped me, but adaptable smarts helped me significantly. I define adaptable smarts as being able to adjust, be flexible, resilient, and willing to do so when change occurs. There is no room for one to play a victim to overcome challenges. Adaptable smarts is for the determined soul willing to do whatever is needed to overcome and triumph. Everyone wants victory or to make dreams come true, but efforts to master the third kind of smarts is essential. May your courage and creativity step forward to assist!

Key Takeaways                                                               

Though a person can appear one way, there are always more facets to a person.

Though there are book smarts and street smarts, adaptability smarts will have you face challenges and overcome adversity.

Next week, you will hear two new real-life stories called Two Astonishing Lessons Learned and Achoo! If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!