Mapping Out A Dream (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Mapping Out A Dream & What Makes You Likable.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 Mapping Out A Dream
• 7:55 What Makes You Likable
• 19:54 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #191 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Mapping Out a Dream & What Makes You Likeable.

Mapping Out a Dream

Watching people customize and design their homes to suit their specific needs and personalities fascinated me. The multi-function of furniture pieces is incredible. The ingenious ways to store belongings in small spaces are amazing. The creativity unearthed in designing unique tiny homes, small apartments, or studio layouts can be eye-popping. It inspired me to put my imagination onto paper and map out a floor plan I would want. Visualizing it in my head and drawing it on paper in front of me began to make it real, and it produced some fun discoveries!

My first thought was about having a large writing table because I spend a large amount of time at my desk. In front of me would be a large window looking out into a forest of trees because nature can give a sense of calmness and clear the mind of the clutter that could block the flow of great ideas. I can see bookshelves on either side of my desk up to the ceiling. The shelves would have books, notebooks or journals, and office supplies. My desk would only have a laptop for me to type my stories. As I saw this picture before my eyes, I took action. I dismantled an old tiny desk that came with my studio apartment and bought a large, plain white desk. As simple as that, I moved my imagination into a reality in the present.

The window I faced looked out into a busy main street, but there were also a few trees on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building. The view was not a quiet view from which to work. Out the door to do some shopping, I got some window film and partially covered my window. It immediately shielded me from looking at the traffic on the street. Instead, I saw the top portion of the two trees and the clouds and sky above my window film. The covering gives me the illusion that I am in the suburbs or countryside because all I see are the leaves from the top half of the trees and the sky above it. As easy as that, I created the perfect view from which to write my stories and enjoy the feeling of being close to nature.

I also dream of having a long rectangular table before the window where I could sip tea or coffee and enjoy nature. For now, I can use my sizeable white desk where I write to also have a drink and look at the tree leaves and clouds in the sky above. This multi-use of furniture tickles my creative thoughts. I am already acting like a tiny house homeowner!

When I lay down to bed, I think of looking up through the skylight like many tiny house homeowners do. I live on the second floor with several floors above me, so how could I possibly have a skylight to look up at the stars? It’s time to go shopping again. This time, I bought some removable peel-and-stick wallpaper. I purchase one with glittering stars and bold, dark blue skies to stick on the ceiling above my bed. I can now gaze up at the stars at night whenever I want. Who says you have to be in the countryside to enjoy the stars?

I yearn for a comfortable and soft sofa, which I don’t have from the landlord. I’ve already covered the one she provided with a better-looking sofa cover, but it is still uncomfortable. I have a twin bed foam topper I bought for one overnight guest. I can put it under the sofa covering and add a soft furry blanket on top to create a more comfortable couch! Improvising and using creativity to bring what I want into my present makes all the difference. 

Having drawn my desk, bookshelves, window in front of my desk, and eating table, I also mapped out a skylight above my bed and a comfy couch in my living room. With the picture in front of me, I did something to bring them into my present reality. It was all possible because I visualized it and put it onto paper. Indeed, it is fun to turn thoughts into reality in a short amount of time!

Having done that, the reality of having a tiny home feels entirely possible, and I can take steps to get there sooner rather than later. Researching where to park it and which builder to hire can begin now. In line with using the imagination to bring dreams into reality, I think of what I will do in the home I design.

I see my retirement days filled with doing all the hobbies I enjoy. I need not only do them when I retire. I can start now by creating an activity schedule. With activities written on a chart, I have begun! I type personal essays and publish them. I write and record stories for my podcast. I practice calligraphy and language learning. I exercise and practice qigong to stay healthy. All these fill up all my time when I am not working at my full-time job. When I stop working at that full-time job, I can add other activities to my chart. I already have a list that includes online learning, learning to play the flute, singing, reading, and exploring new places. I can’t wait for the exciting new chapter ahead.

I used to have many dreams and ideas stuck in my head; they went nowhere and never materialized. I was frustrated and wondered how my dreams would ever come true. However, with a simple tweak, things could change overnight. Drawn on paper, I could see the possibilities. Once seen, I could take action to make it happen. Saying it out loud to someone would also make me feel accountable and ensure that I would take action as saying what I mean and meaning what I say is important to me. Map out your dreams, see them before your eyes, take action, and bring them into your present reality one step at a time; it is fun!      

What Makes You Likable    

This young new employee showed up at my office for training and an orientation before starting work. Months later, she invited me out to lunch. I smiled because I discovered what made me likable or what made her drawn to me. It wasn't just her liking me, but it could be anyone. I didn't need to be physically appealing, though I am not difficult on the eyes. I didn't need a bubbly or friendly personality because I didn't have one. I didn't need to be accomplished or admirable; I may be those, but I didn't need them to make me likable. Pleasantly surprised at what made me likable, I beamed with another smile because the more I did it, the more it made me a better and happier person!

Ashley needed to find a new home before starting work. My job was to hire and train new employees, not to find housing for them or the many other things where they might need assistance. But I found myself saddled with helping them do many things to help them get situated in a new job and home location.

When Ashley arrived, I began giving her an orientation, and she stopped me to let me know that she could not concentrate because she was worried about finding housing. I immediately went online to help her search but could not make an appointment online because she didn't have a credit card. I then called, and some places said they did not rent out to foreigners or single females; that was strange to me. Some landlords sounded grumpy and unfriendly, and I was bringing them business! Nightfall was approaching, and I hadn't made an appointment for that day. I screamed Ahhhhhh! 

Ashley was silent; she couldn't help because she needed the help. I needed to help her, but I needed help to help her, and no one was willing to help. Many foreigners needed the assistance, yet it was no one's job to do the task at hand. Since it was my job to help other foreigners, it came to include anything they needed. It was frustrating, and I felt the time pressure. Ahhhhh! I screamed again. I had never shrieked before a new employee or anyone, and it was unlike me to behave in such a way or unprofessionally! I told Ashley I was also unfamiliar with the local real estate locations and did not have a 100% command of the language and culture, too. I hoped she understood. She could only be quiet because we both knew I was the only person who would help her. It was me, the blind, leading the blind! 

Nightfall came, and I could not secure an appointment to look at any place. Panicked, I started to look for hotels online. Again, I had the problem of having no credit card from Ashley, so I could not help her make a reservation online. My inner voice said, who doesn't have a credit card? How could she not have one?! But that was the reality before me. Strangely, calling in did not help either. Ahhhhh! I don't understand how things could operate this way here! If I were back in my home country, I would have no problem doing this task.

Then, it occurred to me that I had seen a hotel nearby somewhere. I ran out of the building, trying to remember its location. Ah! Yes, there is one down the street. I grabbed Ashley, and Ashley grabbed her suitcase, carry-on luggage, and backpack to follow me to walk down two blocks to the hotel. I could only cross my fingers and hope that there was a vacancy. Hurray! There was a spot for her; it was a nice room that pleasantly surprised me. I wouldn't mind if I had a bedroom like that! I smiled, knowing that Ashley would have a comfortable place to stay for the night.

That night, I discovered a nice hotel. I learned what many landlords thought of foreigners, and securing a place for them was no easy task. I found myself backed into a corner to save someone. I knew I had to find a way to help even when I did not know how to help. I had faced many challenges before meeting Ashley, so I knew this was another challenge I could conquer. I also learned something fun that day: I could find a way to help even when I didn't know how to help! 

My strength of character came through for Ashley. After going through the stress and shrieking to find a hotel for her first night and an apartment the next day, I rejoiced in triumph. I did it, I did it, I say! The locals couldn't help me, and I, the foreigner, helped another foreigner secure a home. Though I could have done the task easily if I were in my home country, it was no easy feat to do it in a foreign country.

Aside from the triumphant satisfaction I enjoyed from helping Ashley, I also realized something I hadn't noticed before. It became evident each time I saw Ashley and when she invited me to lunch. I felt her drawn to me (as a human), and I said to myself, why does she like me? What made me likable? A surprising answer came to me. 

Ashley liked me because I did something above and beyond expectations to help her. It was a challenge for me to help her because I did not know how or was unfamiliar with how many things operate in this foreign country. She witnessed my frustration, saw how I pressed on to figure it out, and persisted until I could secure a new home for her.

When you go out of your way to help someone do something, you become a likable person. Others will be drawn to you. From my experience with Ashley, I learned how I was likable or could be more likable. That was only one interaction, so is there any truth to that? I wanted to explore the idea further. Does helping others make you a likable person?

One of my old boyfriends was a very likable person. Many people frequently surrounded him. I thought it was his charisma at work. You could say that was it, but there was more at work. Anytime someone needed help with information or knowledge in business, he was ready to help. Whenever someone needed advice, he would stop what he was doing to help. He didn't rush it; he took the time and made others feel important. He was a successful and attractive businessman, but what attracted me most about him was how he was always available to help others no matter how busy he was. His kind heart in helping others was magnetic. His generosity and willingness to spend time helping others made him likable.

One of my former bosses was a very likable woman. She was very compassionate towards others and always forgave people no matter how horrible their mistakes or actions. She always found food to share with others if she saw you. Her bubbly personality would lighten up your day; she gave and gave of herself to make you feel good. She was most likable to many, many people.

One friend of mine, whom I have known for over twenty years, is incredibly likable. She has an explosive temper, and sometimes it scares me. When upset, she could lash out, snapping a line, and you would jump back from her. She is very opinionated; she often gives her opinions, which I didn't want or ask for. Sometimes, it feels like a sharp, pointy knife jabbed into tearing my skin. It hurts! She can be straightforward and blunt, too. Her place is messy, but she demands you to be more organized with the positioning of things. It puzzles me. She likes to tell you what you should do or how to improve your life like she knows best. I don't like being told what to do and don't care for her pointers. Despite all these seemingly less-than-likable aspects of her character, they have not bothered me enormously. 

This same dear friend sometimes sensed that I did not like something and was not expressing myself as she would. I would tell her, for example, that I don't like her telling or suggesting what I should do, and I didn't ask for her opinions. She would say, "Why didn't you just tell me instead of getting angry at me?" I would say, "I don't get angry at you; I can't get angry at you. You are the only person in the world that I can't get angry at!" It's strange, but it makes sense if you understand my history with her.

Over twenty-plus years, my dear friend has done so much for me. She drove me to night school when I didn't have a car, and I was pressed for time after my day job. She found me three boyfriends when she saw I did not marry whomever I dated. She cooked me meals when I was too lazy to cook. She arranged for free accommodations when she could not vacation with me for three weeks out of the country. She accompanied me to fly to a family funeral, where I was uninvited. She joined me in business and helped me in my business, which was extremely important to me. She was there to support and cheer for me when I won awards in business. As busy as she was, she took the time to treat me like a tourist when I went back home after spending years abroad. 

Another good friend of mine couldn't even spare an hour to meet with me when I was only going to be in town for a week. Restricted by travel bans during the global pandemic, she helped me find a legitimate way to move overseas as planned. I cannot list more of the beautiful things she has done to help me because my eyes are tearing up thinking about everything she has done for me. She has given so much to me; how can I get angry at her for anything? I don't. Her overwhelming generosity and kind heart make her a most likable person. 

I confirm that what makes you a likable person is how much you give to others. On the receiving end of the giving from someone, I like that person. On the giving end of giving to someone, I feel liked by the other person, and the giving warms my heart. Receiving the giving feels good, and giving the giving feels good, too. Giving and helping makes me a better person. It makes me a happier person, too. The next time you want to be more likable, help someone, give to somebody. It also helps you to be a happier and healthier you, too!

Key Takeaways                                                                                          

Though I don’t have a dream home yet, I mapped it out and created a little heaven in my abode.

Though I never tried to please many, I found myself likable when I helped others.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called What’s in your coffin? & If You Could Only Say One Thing. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!