Three Moments of Freedom (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Three Moments of Freedom & 99 Guests.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 Three Moments of Freedom
• 11:27 99 Guests
• 20:11 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #202 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Three Moments of Freedom & 99 Guests.

Three Moments of Freedom

I escaped and got my ticket to freedom at seventeen. I scraped myself off the ground and bolted to an island nation to begin anew in my middle age. As a mature woman, I excavated ultimate freedom from the deep recesses within me. Each occasion stood uniquely separate. Though separate, they connected and released the uncaged me to freedom.

Distressed to find a way to fund my college education and escape a miserable home life where I did not belong, I extracted creativity from within to help me buy my ticket to freedom. Grandma Sandy, who raised me, was too poor to help. She was a seamstress who sewed clothes to make a living and support her five children. She had six, but my mother, who was the eldest, was already married. Grandpa was a cook and worked at night. We hardly saw him. Together, my immigrant grandparents barely made enough money to support their family. So, I never thought of asking them for help. Then there were my biological parents, who long tossed me out at five and released themselves of any responsibility for me. So, I knew I was alone in my quest to get a college education and hope for a brighter future. 

The synapses in my brain sparked connections to tell me to open the Yellow Pages and find a lawyer to divorce my parents since they were not going to help me do anything. The man on the other end of the telephone line told me to go to his office to discuss further. As quickly as I could, I jumped on a public bus to the city center to find his office. The tall man in a brown suit had me sit before him, and he listened to the seventeen-year-old me. He took me seriously and told me what I needed to do. I followed his instructions, and in a matter of a few weeks, I claimed my grandparents to be my legal guardians. Since they were at the poverty level, I qualified to apply for government funding for education and a bank loan. I also got a hefty scholarship and entered a work-study program from my number one choice in school. With the combination of resources, I purchased my ticket to freedom. 

Funding for my college education gave me hope for a brighter future. Grandma Sandy, who never had more than an elementary school education, always told me higher education was my ticket to a better life. I believed her and worked hard to get it. Though she was a caring grandmother, my uncles were not so kind to me because they told me I didn’t belong under their roof, so I didn’t want to be where I was not welcomed.  

Stepping foot on the college campus, I overflowed with hope for something better and joy for the escape. This first taste of freedom couldn’t taste any better. I had yearned for it for so long. It was the first time I believed my dreams could come true and that anything was possible. After all, I had single-handedly figured out a way to solve my money issues in a significant way.

After college and a long and successful career, I ventured into business, dreaming of becoming a millionaire. It never happened; I failed miserably and lost my house and bank accounts. Creativity stepped forward to tell me to apply for a job abroad. With discrimination rampant and employers wanting young employees with particular looks, it was difficult for me to get through the door, but when I almost lost all hope, I got a job through one five-minute phone call. I didn’t know that my life was about to change drastically and unimaginably.

Scraping myself off the ground and packing my bags, I boarded an airplane to an island nation. I had gotten a ticket to get out of my big mess and was on my way to a new beginning. I was jumping into a black hole and had no idea what was to become of me next. But I needed to make the leap because I had nowhere else to go. After landing and being greeted by the friendliest people, I only hoped to get a fresh start.

Though I had few possessions, I found I didn’t need all that I had before and discovered the joys of minimalism. With fewer things to maintain, I had more time on my hands. So, like a child, I explored many places because everything was new to me. I worked hard and played hard. I traveled to other countries each time there was a vacation. It was the first time in my life that I was carefree and worry-free. Things were inexpensive; I didn’t need to count my pennies or look at the price tags. I earned enough to do whatever I wanted. I never dreamed I could end up in paradise, but I did. I moved from hell to heaven in a matter of months. This taste of freedom was incredible. The honeymoon lasted for four-plus years before I decided to return home.

Though I was only gone for six years, it seemed like I was away a lifetime ago. Everything felt different. Most of the people I knew were no longer a part of my life. We all moved in different directions in life and were no longer finding common ground. Returning home was a reverse culture shock. Nothing was the same anymore. Lost, I didn’t know what I wanted for work or play. I was a mature woman, but I was like a lost child who didn’t know her way. It was frightening to be in such a place at my age!

After roaming around for several years, I returned to the paradise I had found previously. To my surprise, it was no longer paradise to me. It was nothing special to me anymore. But it was comforting to be in this home or country where I could still enjoy a worry-free life financially. Life remains simple and carefree here; what more could I ask for?!

Though I had only gone home for three years, I found a new me I almost didn’t recognize when I returned to the place I used to call paradise. Like a child growing into puberty, the mature me was changing rapidly. It was an unexpected and strange feeling. My mind and perceptions kept shifting, and the aftershocks confused me like I was having a teenage identity crisis or a midlife crisis, but I was past those ages!

When I got angry, I expressed it with anger in my voice and shouted profanities in the privacy of my home. I never expressed anger like that before. I usually kept my feelings under control, but suddenly, I did not want to keep them under wraps anymore. I found myself behaving strangely.

When I had a problem at work, whether small or big, I quickly proceeded to solve it without any discussion with anyone. In the past, I would talk to others, but no more. My attitude was evident; if I wanted things done or solved, I needed to act swiftly without hesitation, and I did. Perhaps from experience, I learned that, but now I took action more quickly.

When I needed to do anything, I stopped overthinking or being concerned about what others thought or reacted to me. I stopped caring what others thought of me. I didn’t care for their comments or judgment. It is theirs to own, and they can keep their opinions to themselves. The only important one is mine because I am the one who lives in my shoes. 

Whew! I call this freedom taken to another level. I call this mature wisdom when you could care less what others think of you. Also, I am much more mindful of balancing my time between work and play. Though I played hard and worked hard in the past, I am still working hard, but I am limiting any overtime work. My passions and hobbies outside of work have become a priority when I am off the clock.

When others made requests of me in the past, my answer was always yes that I would help. Maybe that is why they all loved me previously. But now I will say no if I do not want to do it. I will be comfortable saying no because I know I need to let them know my limits and that they cannot take me for granted or take advantage of me. I am standing up for my rights more often. Now I hear requests, which will include “only if you have time.” When I hear it, I feel respected for my time and skills. I now have what I want because I demand it, and I didn’t previously.

The changed me is more expressive, assertive, and even aggressive. I respect myself more by setting limits and voicing what I need. I give more priority to the care of myself. I like the new me, who is not so oppressed or passive. I am a more overt leader of me and take charge of my life. This freedom to be me with fewer brakes or restraints is liberating!

The independent freedoms enjoyed during college, the carefree and worry-free life abroad, and the full self-expression and leadership coupled with wisdom all provide freedoms beyond measure and must be treasured like precious diamonds.

99 Guests

It was the first day of my personal development course when I looked forward to discoveries and self-improvement. But I was immediately singled out from the audience of a hundred people. A staff member told another staff member about me, and she told someone else, and that someone else told another person. I heard the whispers, and I saw people pointing at me. What was going on? I hardly knew anybody there, so how did they know me? Why were they pointing at me? I was looking forward to new insights and epiphanies but was disturbed before the event even started.

Soon it was announced for everyone to settle in and sit down. Already sitting down, I craved invisibility. I wanted the world to leave me alone in peace. I hated fussing and drama. The facilitator announced that there were precisely one hundred participants. She asked, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had about a hundred guests? The relevance of this question was more significant than I could comprehend or digest at that moment.

“Emily Kay Tan, could you please come to the front?” asked the facilitator. Puzzled and reluctant to comply, I walked to the front, and she asked me to stand behind the microphone. She promptly announced that I was the person who had assembled 99 guests previously. The audience applauded and cheered. They even stood up to clap some more. My head strained. I was angry; they singled me out for no good reason.

Asked how I got that many guests before, I said I had just shared with someone about the life-changing class, and he told other people, so I ended up with that many guests for an introduction to the personal development program. I did not personally invite ninety-nine people. Over a hundred pairs of eyes were beaming and looking at me in awe as if I did something great, and I did not think I did anything of significance. Worse, I did not deserve any recognition because I only told one person, and he produced that many guests. I didn’t earn the credit and did not appreciate the undeserved recognition.

The facilitator wanted to know how I felt, as if I was supposed to feel fantastic. I said I didn’t do anything extraordinary. I said I only talked to one person. I did not speak to ninety-nine people. I had nothing else to say. I was annoyed and peeved that they put me in the spotlight. I was ashamed. Now everyone present knew I only shared with one person, which is pathetic if you ask me. How could they applaud my shamefulness?

While in the car with my boyfriend one day, he shared that his money and family situation needed severe improvement, and he desperately wanted a miracle. He was troubled and did not have an answer. Without much thought, I said, “I only know one place where you can find miracles.” I shared that I once took a personal development course, and it changed my life for the better permanently. I said, “From the course, I discovered anything, I mean anything, was possible, not in theory, but in reality. It was the first time I found happiness from within and learned it was not dependent on others or external factors. More than anything, when I see the word “impossible,” my eyes see “I am possible.”My new perception has not changed; it has stuck with me to give me hope, joy, strength, courage, and possibility for decades. That is the lasting power of the course. I can get you a brochure if you want.” I shared it and was not expecting him to do anything as I was not selling anything or trying to persuade him of anything.

I don’t recall saying much more, but I noticed my boyfriend was especially quiet while listening to me. The next day, I got the brochure for him, and he immediately registered for the class. As soon as he did, I noticed he was cheering up. After taking the course, overjoyed, he shared it with everyone he knew. I could feel his heartfelt gratefulness as he thanked me. The ninety-nine guests came from him, not me.

The organization said it was me. My boyfriend said it was me. They didn’t make sense to me; I disagreed for many years. I thought they were confused, but I was the clueless one. I didn’t get it until decades later. I gather now that even though I only shared the course with one person, I made a difference. Because I shared it, I inspired that person and everyone he shared it with. And those people shared it with other people, too. Because I started it like a domino effect, I caused it, and it spread, making a difference in more lives than I could realize.

What was the significance of that question, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had about a hundred guests?” Now I see it. It is about how many lives you can affect. What I call the most powerful course in the world can only help others if I share it with others. Even when you share with a few, you can empower many more because word of mouth spreads to inform and inspire many.

Perhaps my journey to comprehend and digest how one person could impact many took so long because I never had a high opinion of myself. Maybe because I have been beaten down and told I was not good enough too many times as a child, it has taken me so long to acknowledge any greatness I possess. I only discovered it a couple of years ago through many deep conversations with someone who pointed out some of my strengths, which I can barely acknowledge. I have heard many compliments from friends about my positive traits and accomplishments, but I have never accepted them. Strangely, I realized and acknowledged my value from talking to a stranger. It was as if I needed to be pounded on the head to wake up to it.

On one hand, I want to make a difference for others. On the other hand, I don’t think I could. The devils in me fight with each other, and the result is that I do make a difference, but I don’t usually feel I do. Many have told me that I have made a difference for many children; I say it is just because I am in the position of being a teacher. However, when I bring myself to one children’s story, I can see a picture of a child with his little hands trying to pick up each starfish on the seashore. His attempts to put them back in the water touch me. He may not have saved all the starfish, but we can all make a difference one life at a time.

Imagine if each of the ninety-nine guests shared the power of the course with only one person and that one person shared with only one more person; the result can multiply and spread to impact many more. I want to inspire others. I want to know if this life has value before I leave it. I can if I share things that help others. One person can make a difference. I can make a difference. I knew that, but I never acknowledged it until now. Now I understand why people stood up to applaud for me. Grappling with the gravity that it was possible that I could or did make an impact on others, I want to leave uplifting footprints. What is the footprint you want to leave behind?

Key Takeaways

Though strapped in difficult situations, I found escape routes to freedom.

Though having 99 guests was a great accomplishment, I didn’t see its value until I realized how one person can make a difference for many.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called My Birthday Suit & Half My Age. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening! 

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