Never the Same After That

Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Never the Same After That.

                                                                                       
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 Never the Same After That
• 11:46 Key Takeaway

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #207 of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Never the Same After That. 

Never the Same After That    

After grabbing a cup of coffee through the drive-through window, Devin parked his car. He had something to tell me. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew he had something to say to me because he had parked the car. Devin hung his head down with his chin down to his chest. I looked at him, but he didn't look at me. He was silent. It was unusual for him to be at a loss for words with me. "What is the matter?" I asked. Devin stayed silent. "You call me your best friend, and now you aren't even talking to me; how could I be your best friend?" I said. Frustrated with his silence, I continued, "I hate cowards, and you are a coward." You may say they are harsh words, but I have no regrets because they made Devin cough out what he needed to say. "She's pregnant," he whispered. I didn't know that at that moment, my life was about to change and never be the same after that.

Devin and I had a past, present, and future together. After hearing those two words uttered from him, our present disappeared, our past shattered, and our future blanked instantly before my eyes. Shocked and numbed by the betrayal, I roamed the streets like a zombie. I couldn't cry. I became the Tin Man without a heart or any emotions. I became the old lady who was too weak to feed herself easily. I became a robot that did not have a brain because I was void of any thoughts. Did I become a vegetable?

I had a number of breakups before Devin, so why was this one particularly devastating? I pondered. Was it that I loved him more than the rest, or thought I did? Was it that he was the first to abandon me after my mother did when I was five? I suspect it was the latter possibility that did me in. I had spent a lifetime successfully avoiding abandonment by being the first to leave a relationship, but I got blindsided by this one. I didn't see it coming and believed or hoped it would not happen to me, but it did. The promises he made became empty words. All the love he expressed felt like a lie. The years of togetherness seemed all for nothing. I was a fool, a fool who was in love.

With an emptied past and future without Devin, I lost my heart to feel, my muscles to move easily, and my brain to think much. Suddenly, I did not know why I was breathing or why I was alive. However, my brain was still in working order. I had never imagined living abroad, but I decided to move far away from the devastation. I did not know I would embark on a journey where my life would never be the same again.

Not knowing how life would turn out on an unfamiliar foreign island, I jumped on the plane anyway. I was already in hell, so there was only one direction to go – up. Up and away, I flew. From hell, I unknowingly landed in paradise, where I enjoyed a carefree and worry-free life for the very first time. I never imagined such a life was possible, as I was a worry freak. Free from the constraints or expectations of society or anyone, because I knew no one in the foreign land, I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. The new taste of freedom consumed me and made me a happy Emily who had not been used to such happiness for long!

Having packed only three suitcases and one carry-on luggage, the situation threw me into minimalism, but I quickly realized that I did not need all the material possessions I had. In other words, I could live without many belongings; it made my life simpler and more stress-free. The discovery changed my lifestyle and made it never the same again.

I no longer needed to buy things to prove my success or to satisfy myself like a shopping spree momentarily. I no longer valued material goods as much as before. The foreign soil redirected me to what is more valuable and crucial to happiness. It is not material possessions, but experiences lived. The three-bedroom house I once owned only brought a false sense of satisfaction and many responsibilities. The studio apartment I now occupy brings me peace; it is my sanctuary. With little to maintain and no desire to own it, the burdens lifted themselves, and I could spend more time practicing my passions, including traveling and writing. An everyday life of work, chores, responsibilities, and demands from others shifted to change my lifestyle further so that it would never be the same again. 

I never imagined traveling up to six times a year out of the country could be possible for the unwealthy me, but it happened. With fewer chores and errands to run, because I had a smaller abode, it gave me lots of time to play. Living on foreign soil, I worked tirelessly but balanced my life by playing hard as I boarded flights to other countries every holiday. Gallivanting all over Asia, I roamed Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Bhutan, Mongolia, and over a dozen cities in China. This lifestyle was unimaginable but became a reality.

Locals questioned what they called my madness because they did not frequently travel. Prior to the new lifestyle, I had only been to three countries and twenty-six states. Life was never the same when I started living abroad.

In my first year out after the breakup with Devin, I could barely catch my breath to even think of Devin! Immersed and lost in a foreign language, culture, and surroundings, I forgot Devin and the devastation. Year one was marked by lounging at cafes with language exchanges, practicing the language, and asking many questions about the culture. The relaxing atmosphere of chatting with friendly strangers, filling my social calendar, and meeting up with them was a way of life I had never experienced before. My social life changed while abroad, and I was never the same again.

Moving from hell to heaven, my lifestyle was never the same again, and I was never altogether the same again. I changed for a better life and a better me. I lost my comfortable three-bedroom home with a garage and a beautiful backyard because I failed in business, but I ended up in a studio apartment filled with daily blasts of sunshine and peace. Engaged with minimalism, I enjoyed a carefree and worry-free life, traveling often, and pursuing my passions daily. I not only moved on from the Devin devastation, but it was a seismic shift from hell to heaven.

Surrounded by strangers, I found comfort and contentment. I didn't care what strangers thought of me, and I did not care for their judgment. They were strangers! However, as I came to make new friends and acquaintances, it made no difference. The older me stopped caring about other people's thoughts and did not care for anyone's opinion but mine. After all, only I have to live in my shoes twenty-four seven. Surprisingly, this discovery has given me an exhilarating freedom I never enjoyed before. I had put myself in chains, the chains of societal expectations or norms, and others I knew. Never do I want to return to that me again.

Many find traveling fun, but I found that there is much more to catching the travel bug. Maybe it is a cliché to say it opens up your world and changes your perceptions, but having globe trotted many times, I must say each trip was eye-opening, as I saw places never seen before and experienced cultures never felt before. Indeed, a travel education broadens the mind. It reduces narrow-mindedness, intolerance, and inflexibility. Most importantly, it expands the mind for greater knowledge and strengthens the character for greater adaptability.

The end of a nine-year relationship propelled me to notice each moment more often, for you never know when the end will come, whether it is a relationship or a life. That idea smacked me in the face to wake me up to living life instead of just going through the motions of daily life. It's been fifteen years since the breakup, but the benefits reaped continue to play themselves out. Nothing is forever, so savor the joyful moments and know that bad moments will pass. I no longer have that knowledge on the side, but in the forefront. I continue to travel to new places, talk to strangers regularly, engage in conversation with anyone without holding back, practice my passions, gain new knowledge, learn lessons, value and appreciate experiences more than possessions, and spend more time doing the things I want because I only have one life to live in the present.

As shocking and devastating as the Devin betrayal was, it yanked me into an unimaginably better life and a stronger me that I could be proud of because it filled me with more determination and courage for a better tomorrow. It changed my life and made it never the same, and it turned out to be a good thing; it is precious!

Key Takeaway: Though I was devastated by a breakup, my life changed for the better afterward, and I learned lessons that brought me more contentment.

Next week, you will hear a new real-life story called Like a Cat with Nine Lives. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!