The Triggers to Find Courage

Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Triggers to Find Courage.

                                                                                       
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:23 Introduction
• 1:02 The Triggers to Find Courage
• 11:37 Key Takeaway

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #210 of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Triggers to Find Courage.

The Triggers to Find Courage

Lydia said, “Oooh, what made you do it?” I needed to think about it. Lydia was so hungry for my answers that she gave me much food for thought. She wanted to know the exact moment. She said she wanted to know my secrets to bravery. I didn’t realize any of my actions were from bravery. I just did what I thought I needed to do regardless of whether I was afraid or not. Once Lydia knew one answer, she asked another question and another question. “You sound like you are interviewing me. Am I on camera?” I laughed. I thought her questions were interesting, and no one had asked me before, so I proceeded to answer one. But I paused. I hesitated. Do I want anyone to know my secrets to bravery? Was I courageous? Or was I desperate? Were my desperations disguised as courage? 

Lydia asked, and I answered. Butterflies seemed to flutter inside me, and I began admitting the triggers of my actions. The flutters turned to flaps, forcing me to acknowledge why I did what I did.

“Why did you move all the way from the East Coast to the West Coast at nineteen?” asked Lydia. “I was madly in love,” I replied. My answer was short and simple, but it was the truth. Maybe I didn’t want to reveal it because others would think me a foolish teenager. Though we broke up soon after I arrived and later had an on-again-off-again relationship for many years, I never regretted the move. My move there was out of my comfort zone; it was unfamiliar territory. I call it an adventure, and I love feeling free to get out of my shell. Love drove me to do what I did. Love was more powerful than my fear. That love, Keith, has a permanent seat in my heart and always encourages me to be courageous.

“How come you are not afraid of traveling solo?” “It is fun to meet other people or make new friends; when you travel with someone, you are less likely to try to make conversations with strangers. Also, you see more and ask more questions instead of being busy chatting with your companion. I see the benefits of traveling solo, so why be afraid?” I explained. Every time I asked someone to go with me, it was either they didn’t have the time or money to do it, so I ended up traveling solo to fill my need for travel and discovered the benefits of traveling solo. I was not afraid of traveling solo, but I was scared that others would know I traveled solo because I didn’t have anyone to travel with. That fear was much bigger than any fear of traveling alone. 

I also discovered the greatest joy of traveling solo when I encountered a couple traveling together in a tour group. I was on a mini-bus with a couple and several other travelers. There was light rain, but activities on the agenda proceeded without delay. When we reached one tourist sight, the girlfriend did not want to get off the bus and look at the scenery because of the light rain. The boyfriend wanted to get off and look, but he did not because his girlfriend would not go. He looked trapped, as if he could not go because of her. She would probably get mad at him for not keeping her company on the bus while everyone else got off the bus to sightsee. I felt bad for the boyfriend who was stuck on the bus because of his girlfriend and could not enjoy the trip that day. However, I learned the best part of traveling solo. You don’t have to compromise. I could do whatever I wanted. The benefits outweighed any possible fears of traveling solo. My desire for freedom was more powerful than any fear of traveling alone.

“What gave you the courage to leave your husband?” Lydia pressed on. First, it was hard to leave because I saw divorce as a failure, and I could not accept failure. I did all I could to save the marriage and get help from my brother-in-law and mother-in-law. “So, what gave you the courage to divorce him?” Lydia persisted. “I took a personal development course to help me solve my marital woes. In a conversation with one of the course coaches, she said something that grabbed my attention and made me decide instantly,” I said. “What did she say?!” Lydia asked. Well, I told her I could not leave my husband because he would be like a lost puppy if I left him, and I would feel bad for him. “So you pity him. Do you think he would want to know you stayed because you pitied him? Would you want someone to stay with you out of pity?” asked the coach. My answer was a resounding no. I was not happy; he was not pleased. With compassion, I stepped forward with courage to file for divorce. My happiness and his happiness were more important, so I initiated the proceedings even though I was afraid.

“Why did you quit your long and successful career to go into business?” Lydia continued with her questions. “I wrestled to decide for two years. I didn’t want to give up the career I loved. I didn’t want to take the risk of failure in the business. It wasn’t until my neighbor said something that I finally decided what to do.” What did your neighbor say?” asked Lydia. “I had just pulled my car into my garage after a day of work when my neighbor across the street waved at me to go to her house for tea. I went. She asked what was new. I said I was still struggling to decide what to do about the business I wanted to try,” I said. Then my neighbor said, “Well, if you don’t do it, you will never know.” 

The ten-word sentence my neighbor said hit me like a brick. I needed to know. If I didn’t know, I would always wonder what could have happened if I had done it. Whether I succeeded or failed didn’t matter anymore. I needed to know because I did not want to regret or wonder for the rest of my life. I did not want to have the regret of not doing something I wanted to do and not doing it. It would hang over me on my deathbed. The thought of wishing I did something and not doing it would be a torturous regret. I didn’t want to die in such a manner. Dying in peace was more important, so my bravery stepped forward to take the plunge.

“Why did you quit your job when you didn’t have another one lined up? That is a big risk, don’t you think? What gave you the courage to do that?” Lydia asked another question. “Logically, I should have gotten another job before quitting. That way, I didn’t risk anything. But how could I find another job when I was busy working? I didn’t even know what I wanted in another job, but I was sure I didn’t like the job I was doing, and I was wasting my time doing something I didn’t enjoy. Time is too valuable to waste, so courage stepped forward to help me quit the job I didn’t love anymore.

One more question Lydia asked, “Why did you move abroad?” I told Lydia that I was devastated by a breakup and a betrayal that shocked and numbed me. I needed to do something. I also had to do something because of a business failure and empty bank accounts. My world crashed down on me like tsunami waves that were about to carry me out to sea to drown me. If I didn’t hurry and do something, I would be in grave trouble. Making a living and healing my heart was at stake. Drastic measures were in order. 

I needed a space and place to clear my head and mend my broken heart. I needed to find a job during the global economic crisis when it was hard to find a job and transition from a business back to a job. A solution to my predicament was urgent. Fighting for my survival, I pulled out my creativity to help me. I never imagined myself moving or living abroad for any length of time, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

I found a job abroad where the cost of living was affordable, and it was far, far away from the man who broke my heart by cheating on me. The distance and the financials of living abroad solved my two simultaneous problems. That is how I ended up living abroad. It was my survival instinct that propelled me to do what I needed to do to survive.

After answering all the questions Lydia asked, I discovered the triggers for my bravery to do what I needed to do even though I was afraid. I moved three thousand miles away from home because of love. I traveled solo for the freedom it brought me. I divorced my husband because our happiness was more important. I quit my job to embark on a business venture because I needed the peace of knowing and living without regret. I quit another job I no longer wanted because I didn’t want to keep wasting time doing what I did not enjoy. I sailed far away from home to keep myself afloat financially and mend my broken heart; it allowed me to survive and thrive.

Love, freedom, happiness, peace, time, and the need for survival are all MORE important, valuable, and powerful than fear, so I found the courage to help me bravely step forward despite fear.

Key Takeaway: Though fear can stop us from doing many things, other things, such as love and the need to survive, are more powerful in helping us find courage. 

Next week, you will hear a new real-life story called I Loved Him, and then I Hated Him. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!