Cracking an Introvert's Shell

Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. In this episode you will hear about Cracking an Introvert's Shell.

                                                                                       
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #224 of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan.  In this episode, you will hear about Cracking an Introvert’s Shell.

Cracking an Introvert’s Shell

She was a shy girl who was awkward at social gatherings. She gave short answers if you tried to talk to her, and it was hard to have a lengthy conversation with her. She was quiet and would not initiate conversation with anyone. Let her hurry home after a party or social event, and she would be ecstatic. It would relieve the social pressures of engaging in conversations with others. Solitude would allow her time to recharge. Feeling uncomfortable in social situations and not knowing what to do about her behavior, which was frowned upon by the world around her, she was ashamed. 

People would tell her she was too quiet or needed to talk more. It only made her feel like something was wrong with her, and she didn’t know how to change it. Feeling trapped in a silent world of her own, she shied away from crowds. She had lots to say, but she was at a loss for words when surrounded by many people. Could anything extract more words from her so people would understand or befriend her? She didn’t know how to help herself. Others only told her to talk more, making her feel worse.

Others didn’t know that she had an eight-year-old girl trapped inside of her. When she was a kid and her family was planning a picnic, she shared many ideas. Her ideas fell on deaf ears; her relatives told her to shut up. That was the moment she shut down. Emily had many things to say, but no one was listening. All the words and sentences she wanted to express became trapped inside her. Many words stayed inside her, and she got used to being quiet. But she had much to say and wanted to pull out the talkative girl inside her. Though she hid her voice, it wanted to reveal itself. Emily searched for how she could safely express herself without being told to button her mouth.

Emily wanted to help children. She wanted to give them a voice because she knew all too well what it felt like not to have one or be ignored as a child. She grew up to be a teacher. With a captive audience, her voice was heard. She enjoyed many years of working with children, listening to their troubles, and allowing them to express their feelings and thoughts. She gave them what she wished she had as a child. It was a way to bring her some comfort.

Though Emily happily expressed herself around children, it was not the same with adults. She was still quiet and reserved around them. You could see it in social gatherings. She was the one trying to crack a smile and look like she was happy to be there, but she wasn’t. She didn’t know how to initiate conversations. She found nothing interesting to say and hated making small talk that she thought was meaningless. Little Emily was still trapped inside.

After many years of a successful career in teaching, Emily found herself at a national convention, watching leaders share their stories of rags to riches on stage. It mesmerized her, and she joined the network marketing business. Little did she know it would transform her self-expression and leadership skills to bring out the long-lost talkative Emily inside her.

To do the business, Emily needed to talk. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t make any sales, and then she wouldn’t be able to put food on the table for herself. She wanted to talk but didn’t know how. So, she read books on initiating conversations with strangers and engaging others to make a sale. Next, she attended social gatherings to practice what she learned in the books. The more she talked, the more comfortable she got, and some sales trickled in. She sometimes found it fun because she turned it into a game. With another business partner, they’d make a bet to see who talked to the most people about the business in one evening’s event. Whoever got the most connections or interactions would win a free dinner from the loser. The game motivated Emily to talk to others, and she couldn’t wait for her free dinner!

As hard as she worked by attending many social gatherings to make sales and talk about her business, Emily did not make much money. Fortunately, one day, her supervisor asked her to do a training because he would be out of town and unable to do the training. Like the teacher Emily, the quiet Emily was at ease in front of an audience. She had another captive audience who would listen. If she knew you would be listening, she would be talking, and that would not be a problem. To her surprise, entrepreneurs in the audience asked Emily to help them with their sales presentations because she explained the benefits of the products so well. Emily would get half the commissions if the sales presentation was a success. Emily started making money and stopped struggling to put food on the table! Little synapses of electricity bounced inside Emily. It was heartwarming to be able to help her fellow entrepreneurs. And it relieved Emily to have some money in her pocket. 

Realizing how much I enjoyed speaking before an audience, I joined Toastmasters International for fun. I had so much fun that I participated in speech competitions and even won first place the first time! The trapped eight-year-old Emily in me came out further. You didn’t have to pull her out now; she voluntarily came out. Free at last, free at last! I shouted to myself.

Though shushed and shut down for many years, I longed to express myself and be heard. Luckily, I persisted in finding ways to have my voice heard. As a teacher, I freely expressed myself to children. As an entrepreneur, I learned and practiced speaking with strangers from all walks of life. As a presenter and trainer, I expressed my voice to make a difference for others.

Once ashamed of being too quiet or awkward in social situations, I learned that I could learn the skills of initiating conversations with others, whether they be acquaintances or strangers. I did learn and practice it while in business. Once at a loss to use the right words to express what I wanted, I found I had no problem given a platform with an audience, such as speaking on stage. Unbeknownst to me, I got comfortable talking with anyone, friend or stranger.

After my stint in business, I moved abroad. The talking skills I gained while in business helped me tremendously as I navigated through an island nation. Seeking language exchange partners to practice a foreign language, I talked with many strangers. Each time I met with someone, it was a two to three-hour conversation. The other party was often not at ease or did not know what to say. It did not matter to me because I could find things to talk about and engage them in dialogue with me. I laughed as some said I was friendly and had a knack for engaging them in conversation. That was when I knew I had cracked open my shell.

Though circumstances may have caused me to tuck my voice away, I am an introvert. Once ashamed of it, I have since learned about the many positive things about introverts. They are introspective, reflective, and analytical. I am proud of it; it helps me create a meaningful life of abundance. I always thought my life was filled with challenges and struggles, with small moments of joy. It was never anything to brag about or be proud of.

Despite the careers and opportunities I found to express my voice and sharpen my social skills, the little Emily in me still wanted to express her thoughts, ideas, opinions, and feelings, which were trapped inside. I had cracked my shell, but I needed to crack it some more.

Perhaps it was a midlife crisis. Maybe it was the pandemic, or I got a job I did not enjoy. It was most likely a combination of all those reasons. However,  because of them, I found a new passion: writing. At first, it was just a way to express my inner voice and comfort myself. After sharing some stories I wrote in a writing class and hearing the reactions or responses, I found my purpose in writing. To lift the spirits, give some food for thought, or move others has inspired me and soothed my soul.

Writing to express the many challenges and struggles I endured and overcame has been therapeutic for me, but also helpful to others as I find ways to overcome all the adversity I face. The lessons learned and the eye-opening moments can lift the spirits, soothe the soul, and give hope. The satisfaction that what was trapped inside or suppressed could be released and make a difference for others makes for a meaningful life. Through writing, I cracked more cracks in my shell. I thought I arrived. I thought I had successfully cracked my introvert shell. But something was missing or incomplete.

I have always dreamed of becoming a professional speaker, but have never found a way to enter the industry. Toastmasters International gave me a taste of it, and I loved it, but it was short-lived. Teaching, presenting, and training were a bit more long-lasting. However, this introvert needed more to come out for my inner voice to be heard.

Ready to crack my shell wide open, I jumped for joy in finding a platform for my voice: podcasting! After writing my stories of adversity and how I overcame them, I spoke aloud to record them into a podcast. The expression of my voice from within released mountains of pain and struggles, and many moments of celebration and joy for overcoming them. More satisfying than the relief is that anyone can hear my voice from anywhere, and it could inspire others to step forward and see possibility everywhere. This introvert's shell cracked open.

Key Takeaway: Though I was an ashamed introvert, I cracked my own shell and became a proud introvert. 

Next week, you will hear a new real-life story called A Few Daddy Moments. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!