Hello and welcome to episode #239 of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about His Life Was in My Hands.
His Life was in My Hands
He put his life in my hands. He was not a child. How could he put his whole life in my hands? He only knew me for a few months. How could he allow me to do those things for him? He didn't know me well. How could he lay all that trust in me? I couldn't understand. Many of his actions were puzzling and strange to me. I was honored by the trust he placed in me at first. But it troubled me, too. Why put all the decisions into my hands? His actions gave me food for thought in relation to trust, leadership, and life itself.
After only two months of knowing each other, he asked me to cut his hair. I said I had never cut anyone's hair before. He said I could watch videos online and learn how if I had time. I couldn't believe my ears! How could he ask me to do something like that, knowing my lack of experience? He insisted that I could do it. The day soon came, and he arrived at my home. He brought scissors, a shaver, and a large plastic bag where he cut a slit to put his head through. He was prepared for a haircut; I was not ready to give one. He put on his homemade haircutting cape and sat down, prepared for a haircut. With great apprehension, I reminded him that I had never cut anyone's hair before and did not know how to do it. I asked him who usually cut his hair. A professional hairdresser, he said. Then why was he giving me the task of cutting his hair? He said I must do it when we travel together in van life.
I only entertained van life, and I did not consider it seriously. If that were to happen, it would be years from now, and already he was planning that possible future of going with me. Still, did I need to cut his hair now? He said I could start practicing! Since he trusted me to cut his hair, I did my best and only cut very little. I don't think it was noticeable that one could say he had a haircut. Still, he said it was great. I found it strange that he had me do it. I pondered how he could lay so much trust in me. I could have easily turned it into a disaster!
I remember that trust is something that you can grant someone even if you don't know them well. This man was a perfect example. I remember that trust is not necessarily earned but a decision someone makes. Apparently, this man decided to trust me with his hair. Still, I was nervous and uncomfortable cutting his hair, and I let out a lot of laughter while he sat extremely still when I cut his hair. He was pleased with the results because he expected I would deliver.
I decided on the contents of each date. Where we went, what we ate, and when we ate were all chosen by me because that was the way he liked it. I often asked for his ideas, preferences, or opinions, and I did not get any. It was frustrating. I told him it didn't help me get to know him better. Still, he insisted that I made all the decisions. I repeatedly asked and was met with more insistence that I do all the research and planning. Sometimes, I was tired of doing it as the stresses of work piled up, and I wished he would do some of the planning and decision-making, but my requests fell on deaf ears. He was happy for me to choose all our destinations. What if I chose a place he didn't like? I begged him to tell me. He said all my choices were fine. Even though he had laid all his trust in me, I wished he had some ideas and opinions to contribute to our gatherings.
As if cutting his hair and deciding where we went and what we ate was not enough work for me, he also demanded that I choose the places we would visit in van life. I would need to plan everything from renting a van to determining all the expenses we would make for such a venture. He told me I needed to map it all out. I told him I agreed it needed to be done, but since I would not be taking a solo trip, I thought we should make the decisions together. I told him it was a lot of pressure on me, and I would appreciate discussing what we liked and disliked or what we wanted or not wanted. He insisted that whatever I decided, he'd be agreeable to it. At first, I thought he certainly had a great deal of trust in me and made it easy for me, but on second thought, it was a big red flag to me.
The red flags flapped loudly in front of me. If anything went wrong, he could blame it all on me since I made all the decisions. How convenient that would be for him! If I made all the decisions, how would I ever get to know him better? If I decided everything, how could this relationship be a partnership? I wanted a discussion; I wanted teamwork.
His supposed blind trust in me was not working for me; it was troubling me immensely. It reminded me of a previous red flag I did not see. My ex-husband was agreeable to everything before marriage, and it was not until after marriage that he revealed his opinions and ideas. I did not want to fall into that trap again.
My new beau wanted me to decide where we would live and what kind of house we would live in in the future. He wanted me to make all the decisions without him; he only needed me to inform him. His attitude made me uneasy and unsettled. Each day, my discomfort grew stronger and stronger. Though I appreciated his trust in me, I concluded he was not the man I wanted. I wanted someone who was the leader of his own life.
His demand to follow my lead disturbed me. I was not his boss. I was not his mom. He was not a child. I did not like his stance. However, his position reminded me that we need to be the leader of our own life.
Since I was independent at seventeen, I was already thrown into being a leader of my own life. I mumbled and grumbled that I had so many decisions to make as a teenager. I struggled and crawled to financial independence at seventeen. Though I complained a lot in my mind, I did what needed to be done to move forward. Today, I am glad for all the challenges I experienced and endured. It created my strength of character. It inadvertently designed my ability to observe, plan, and decide the course of my life. I am glad I am not like the man I met.
He put his whole life in my hands. It was pressure I didn't enjoy, but I stopped trying to do the job because it was not my job. It is his job to determine his life or future. He said I was smart and wanted me to do everything, but doesn't he have his own mind? If not, he needs to have one. I can only thank him for reminding me that we are the creators of our narrative, and it should not fall into someone else's hands.
Key Takeaways: Though he trusted me and put his life in my hands, it made me uncomfortable and reminded me that we need to be the leader of our lives and not put it into someone else's hands.
Next week, you will hear a new real-life story called Scammed by a Psychic. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!
